Gatekeeper Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three old men stood at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper asked the first man "How many times have you cheated on your wife."
The first man said "I was married for 50 years and I never cheated on my wife."
The gatekeeper gave the man a Rolls Royce to drive across the bridge into heaven. Then he asked the second man "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"
The second man said "I was married for 50 years and I cheated on my wife one time." So the gatekeeper gave him a Honda and he started off across the bridge into heaven. Then he asked the last man "How many times have you cheated on your wife"
The last man said I was married for 50 years and I cheated on my wife 5 times.
The gatekeeper gave the man a Pinto and the man started across the bridge.
A while down the road the man in the Pinto and the man in the Honda saw the Rolls Royce pulled off to the side of the road with the driver standing beside it crying. more...

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper:' Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'' Yes,' the professor ansvered.' When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'' Well,' said the gatekeeper.' That is a very minor sin. You may enter.'' Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered.' Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper.' He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: ‘Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret? ’ ‘Yes, ’ the professor ansvered. ‘When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now. ’ ‘Well, ’ said the gatekeeper. ‘That is a very minor sin. You may enter. ’ ‘Thank you very much, Saint Peter, ’ the professor ansvered. ‘Im am not Saint Peter, ’ said the gatekeeper. ‘He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas. ’

Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven.
The gatekeeper at the gate to heaven says, ''There are too many people in heaven so you have to pass this quiz to get in.''
Forrest Gump says, ''Okay.''
The gatekeeper says, ''First question: What two days of the week begin with T?''
Gump replies, ''That's easy. Today and tommorrow.''
The gatekeeper says, ''Well, I didn't think of that so I'll give it to you.
Second question: How many seconds are in a year?''
Gump says, ''12, January 2nd, February 2nd...''
The gatekeeper says, ''That wasn't what I was thinking, but I'll give it to you.
Last question: What is God's first name?''
Gump replies, ''Howard.''
The gatekeeper says, ''How on earth did you get Howard?''
Gump says, ''It's common sense. Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.''

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'
'Yes,' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'
'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter.'
'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered.
'Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'
'Yes,' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'
'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter.'
'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered.
'I am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?' 'Yes,' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.' 'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter.' 'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered. 'Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'