Gear Jokes / Recent Jokes

- "The more we sweat in training, the less we bleed on the streets."
- "Your life is not my fault."
- "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
- "Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
- "Remember, when you gotta cuff' em, nobody is your friend."
- "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
- "That says POLICE, not taxi!"
- "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?"
- "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
- "You can't outrun a radio."
- "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
- "Someone, somewhere is practicing. If you're not, and someday, if you more...

Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.
They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected. He said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."
One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.
Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we more...

Sven and Olie died and went to Hell. After awhile, the Devil came by to see how his new guests were doing. To his amazement, he found Sven and Olie were still wearing their winter gear and seemed to be quite comfortable. The Devil asked why they weren't hot. Olie replied, "We come from Minnesota where it's always cold. This is feeling pretty good to us." This upset the Devil, so he turned up the thermostat. Awhile later the Devil looked in again on Sven and Olie. To his surprise he found they were still wearing their winter gear. The Devil questioned them on it again. "You have to remember that we are from Minnesota and it's very, very cold there. This is feeling nice to us." The Devil was even madder at this, so he turned the thermostat all the way up to maximum temperature. The Devil waited some time and then went back to Sven and Olie. This time he found they had only unzipped their coats, but still had all their winter clothes on. The Devil couldn't understand more...

Lehna bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandhar to meet his friend.
He reached Jalandhar in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach Amritsar that evening and not even the next day. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran out, hugged him and asked,' Arre puttar, ki hoya?'
Lehna got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,' Oy, ye Mrutti wale pagal hain, agge janne waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaan waaste sirf ik.' (These Maruti-makers are. crazy: they make four gears to go forward, but only one to go backward.)

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing' Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"
"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.
The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.
"Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing' Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.
"YES SIR!!" replies the seaman. He sprints for more...

A fiberglass port-a-potty at Oshkosh with the message "I could have been a Glassair!" written on it?
"I would like to die in my sleep like my father did, not in screaming terror, like his passengers."
If God had meant man to fly, He would have given him more money or airplane tickets.
"Gravity always wins!"
You know you´re flying a Cessna when you have a bird strike and it is from behind!
747 on final approach at 1000' off the deck. First Officer asks Captain "Are you happy with the position of the landing gear, sir?" Captain reaches down, lowers the gear and lands safely.
Lost Cessna Pilot: "Big airport with a little Cessna 150 overhead, please identify yourself!"
A Landing is just controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
"I hate to wake up and find my co-pilot asleep"

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.