Geography Jokes / Recent Jokes
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real painintheass, constantly complaining:' The bus seats are uncomfortable.'' The food is terrible.'' It's too hot.'' It's too cold' The accommodations are awful.' You have surely known her, and/or too many like her.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
' Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,' the guide said.' Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.'
' We can't be here tomorrow,' the nasty woman shouted.' We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone.'
' Well now,' the guide said,' it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune.'
' And I suppose you've kissed the stone,' the woman scoffed.
' No, ma'am,' the frustrated guide more...
A Geography teacher stands in front of a map of the world. Geography Teacher: Tony, can you tell me where in the world America is placed on this map? Tony shows him America. Geography Teacher: Now, Lisa, can you tell me the name of the guy who discovered America? Lisa: Tony did!!
An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.' 'Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?'' demanded the Grand Emir.
''A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One,'' stammered the wretched Abdul,' 'white man sit on well.''
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa; half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America; well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India; very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France; gently aging but still warm, and a desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain; with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia; lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia; very wide, and borders are now un-patrolled.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages... only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
At any age, a man is like Iran - ruled by a more...
your mama is so dumb she brung a ladder to the bar because she heard the drinks were on the house
ALABAMA:
Literacy Ain't Everything
ARKANSAS:
Exporters of Everything But Honesty
CALIFORNIA:
Se Habla Ingles
FLORIDA:
The Gunshine State
GEORGIA:
The Culture State: Jews and Negroes Allowed Since 1993
INDIANA:
Home of Dan Quayle
KANSAS:
Don't Blame Us, We Voted For Dole
KENTUCKY:
Tobacco is a Vegetable
LOUISIANA:
I Drink, Therefore I Am
MARYLAND:
We're Better Than Virginia, Damn It!
MINNESOTA:
Land of 10,000 Lakes and a Lot of Really WHITE People
MISSOURI:
We're kinda to the west of Indiana and east of Kansas... and oh yeah we're right near Iowa!
MONTANA:
Only a few of us are nutbar freaks who build bombs and put them in the mail.
NEW JERSEY:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
NEW YORK:
People say we're ambivalent and more...