German Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was walking through the Olympic village in Munich when I seen a man walking along with a long stick over his shoulder. I asked the man `are you a pole vaulter?` and he replied `no I`m German and how did you no my name is Volter?`

German Lesson #7
Dog: Barkenpantensniffer
Dog Catcher: Barkenpantensniffersnatcher
Dog Catcher's Truck: Barkenpantensniffersnatcherwagen
Garage for Truck: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenhaus
Truck Repairman: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagen-
mechanikerwerker
Mechanic's Union: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagen-
mechanikerwerkerfeatherbedden-
gefixengruppe
Doctor: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker
Nurse: Chestergethumpenpulsentookerhelper
Hypodermic Needle: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker-
helperhurtensticker
Backside: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker-
helperhurtenstickerstabbenplatz
Piano: Plinkenplankenplunkenbox
Pianist: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder
Piano Stool: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-
spinnenseat
Piano Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-
offengeshowenspelle
Fathers at the Recital: more...

An Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on more...

There is an American, a German, and a Mexican. They are in all in a boat. The boat is about to sink. Each of them have to throw things out to make the boat lighter.The German throws out 4 cases of beer and says, "We have a lot of bear in Germany so we don't need these!" The Mexican throws out 5 cases of burritos and says, "We have a lot of burritos in Mexico so we don't need these!"The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out. The German asks why he threw the Mexican out. And the American replies, "We have a lot of Mexicans in America so we don't need him!."

During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad so he the German doctor amputated his arm. He had a request that they would drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans did.
Then next week they amputated his other arm and he asked for the same thing. So the Germans did.
The next week they amputated his leg and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in England.
The German doctor replied, "Nein, Ve do dis no more!" The pilot asked why not, and the German answered, "Ve tink you trying to escape!"

A man was walking down the street and noticed a sign reading: "Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an obviously Oriental man who identified himself as Hans Schmidt.

"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.

The Oriental explained in very broken English that when he landed in America he was standing in the immigration line behind a German.

When asked his name, the German replied, "Hans Schmidt." When the immigration official asked the Oriental his name, he replied, "SAM TING."

In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Hell:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.
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In Computer Heaven:
The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.