German Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Pakistani dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Pakistani hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Pakistani devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is more...
There were three guys stuck on an island, the first guy was a African, the second was a German, and the third one was a redneck.
While swimming at the beach the African found a magical lamp and rubbed it. A jenie came out and told them three that he would grant them all one wish.
The African went first and wished to go back to Africa with his family. Then the German went second and wished to go back to germany with his family. Finally it was the rednecks turn so the jenie asked him, "
What is your wish."
The redneck paused and started looking around and said, "
Now that I'm alone can you bring the other two guys back."
Three women -- one german, one japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The german pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.
a "that was my pager," she said. "i have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
a few minutes later, a phone rang.
The japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
the hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The hillbilly woman finally said, "well, will you look at that, i''m gettin'' a fax!
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle. "And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands. "Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."
Free puppies...part German shepherd, part dog Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel - 1/2 sneaky neighbor dog Free Yorkshire terrier. 8 Years old. Unpleasant little dog. German shephard. 85 Lbs. Neutered. Speaks german. Free. Cute kitten for sale, 2 cents or best offer Free: Farm kittens. Ready to eat. Kittens 8 weeks old - Seeking good Christian home.
In Heaven 1. The cooks are French,
2. The policemen are English,
3. The mechanics are German,
4. The lovers are Italian,
5. The bankers are Swiss. In Hell 2. The policemen are German,
3. The mechanics are French,
4. The lovers are Swiss,
5. The bankers are Italian. In Computer Heaven
1. The management is from Intel,
2. The design and construction is done by Apple,
3. The marketing is done by Microsoft,
4. IBM provides the support,
5. Gateway determines the pricing. In Computer Hell 1. The management is from Apple,
2. Microsoft does design and construction,
3. IBM handles the marketing,
4. The support is from Gateway,
5. Intel sets the price.
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman, 2 French men and 1 French woman, 2 German men and 1 German woman, 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman, 2 English men and 1 English woman, 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman, 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman, 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman, 2 New Zealander men and 1 New Zealander woman, 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman, 2 American men and 1 American woman. One month later, the following things have occurred....
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together, having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English more...