German Jokes / Recent Jokes
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So, it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (Speedbird).
Speedbird: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan. Taxi to your gate." The BA 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird: "Standby ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird (cooly): "Yes, in 1944, but I didn't stop.
Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.The study took 2 years and cost over $180,000.00. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the U.S. study were incorrect. After three years of research and cost in excess of $250,000.00, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study. The Poles didn't really trust the U.S. or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and at a cost of right around $75.00, the Polish study reached a conclusion. The Polish study came to the final more...
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to more...
There were three American pilots captured by Germans in WWII. The Germans thought up a way to make the pilots crack and tell what they knew. They made them stand at attention, turn their heads from side to side and say, "Tick - Tock" over and over.
After about three hours, the first pilot cracked and started telling all he knew, signing everything they put in front of
him. An hour later, the second pilot cracked and started confessing to things that he didn't even do.The third pilot was fighting hard not to crack. He was about half-way cracked. He was turning his head to one side only and saying, "Tick...Tick...Tick..." The German officer in charge went up to him and said, "You thinks you iss so schmart! But I'm telling you dot vee haf vays to make you TOCK!"
Man with a German Shepherd dog goes into a bar and sits down at the counter. Bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here! ” Man says “But this is a Seeing Eye dog! ” Bartender says “Well, OK, then I guess it can stay. ” After a while, the man and the German Shepherd get up to leave. As they’re going out the door, another man with a Chihuahua is coming in. First man says “The bartender won’t like you bringing that dog in here, but just tell him you’re blind and it’s a Seeing Eye dog and then it’ll be OK. ” Second man looks dubiously at his tiny Chihuahua, thinks a few seconds, thanks the first man for the advice and goes on in. Bartender says “Hey! You can’t bring that Chihuahua in here! ” Man stares straight ahead and exclaims “What! They sold me a Chihuahua?! ”
One day there was a Mexican, an American, and a German and they were
on a bridge. The German took a puff of his cigarette and threw it
in the river. They asked what did you do that for he said I got
plenty of them in my country. The Mexican took a sip of his beer
and threw it in the river. They asked what did you do that for he said I got
plenty of them in my country. The American beat up the Mexican
and threw it in the river. They asked what did you do that for he said I got
plenty of them in my country.