German Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. Why are French streets tree-lined?A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, "I`ll take the Mexican."

Each of them have a dog. The guy named Barney has a Chiwawa. The guy named Jim has a German Shpered.
The bartender says to Jim: What's the dog doing in here.
Jim: He's my seeing eye dog.
Bartender: O.K.
Bartender to barney: I can belieive a German Shpered as a seeing eye dog but not a chiwawa.
Barney: Is that what they gave me????

Heaven is where the Lovers are Italian, the Engineers are German, the Police are British, and it is all managed by the Swiss. Hell is where the Lovers are Swiss, the Engineers are British, the Police are German, and it is all managed by the Italians!

Q: How does a German eat mussels
A: *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*. .. AUFMACHEN! !!
Q: What`s the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?
A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
Why are there so many tree lined streets and leafy lanes in France?
Germans like to march in the shade.
After much discussion as to where the capital of the new Germany should be -- Bonn or Berlin -- a compromise was struck: Paris.
Belgium`s national motto:
Belgium: Gateway to France!
Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
Q: What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany`s best comedian?
A: Only the first one can make you smile.
Q: Why was the Dresden bombing a mistake?
A: The RAF made a (H)ASH of it!
Q: How many people fron Dresden can you fit in a mini?
A: About 25000 if you`ve got a shovel
Heard about the new more...

Yesterday I visited a translation website and translated some Christmas carols into other languages, then back into English. The results as follows:
Jingleglocken, jingleglocken, jingle completely.
Oh which fun it is to ride into a horse-opened sleigh.
("Jingle Bells," translated into German and then back into English)
Ring of sleighbells, are you listening?
In the track the snow is shining.
A beautiful vista, we are tonight happy,
Walking in the country of the wonders of the winter.
("Winter Wonderland," Spanish)
Icily Snowman a lucky merry soul
With one was formed from a key corncob,
And the nose and two eyes, those from coal.
("Frosty the Snowman," German)
Rudolph the red-nose reindeer has had a nose a lot polishes,
And if you never saw it, you would even say that she emits light.
("Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," Italian)
You would improve the clock towards the more...

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, "I`ll take the Mexican."