Germans Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.

All the kids a class had to bring in a lesson. The teacher asks a little girl to tell her lesson. She says, she droped a bucit of milk. The teacher says thats a good lesson. She calls on another little girl. She says she droped a basket of eggs. The teacher says thats a good lesson. Then the teacher calls on a little boy. He says his uncle was in world war 2. He said that his uncle has a gun a bottle of beer and 15 Germans running at him. He takes a chug of beer and shot 5 Germans. Then he takes another chug of beer and shot 5 more Germans. Then he takes his last chug of beer and shot the last 5 Germans. Then the teacher asks so whats the lesson. The kid said never run at my uncle when he has beer.

Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in.

Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They assign the task to a gastarbeiter.

Q: How many Argentinians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine thousand-after all, it's *their* light bulb.

Q: How many Belgians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

Q: How many U. S fighter pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No! You mean it was one of ours?!

Notes: Topical to the shooting down of two allied helicopters over Iraq.

Q: How many Iraqi soldiers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. He takes it back to Baghdad for safe keeping.....

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter, they don't have any more...

A Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, "We know you're up there; come down." The English guy, thinking fast, says, "Twit, twit, twit..."
The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there; come down."
The French guy, thinking fast, says, "Woo, woo, woo..."
The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there; come down."
The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo, moo..."

A Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, "We know you're up there; come down." The English guy, thinking fast, says, "Twit, twit, twit..."The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there; come down."The French guy, thinking fast, says, "Woo, woo, woo..."The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there; come down."The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo, moo..."

This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider.
“Well, Father, ” began the old man, “At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her. ”
“That’s a wonderful thing, ” interjected the priest, “But it’s certainly nothing you need to confess! ” “It’s gets worse Father, ” continued the elderly fellow, “I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors. ”
The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, “Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and more...

What do Germans use for birth control? Their personalities!