Germany Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde enters a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Germany. When the man tells her the cost will be $300, she exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I will do anything to get a message to my mother in Germany."
"Anything?" the man asks. "Yes, anything!" the blonde replies.
"OK," he says, "Follow me!" He walks in to the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does.
"Get down on your knees," he says. She does.
Next, he tells her to take down his zipper, and she does.
He then says, "Go ahead... take it out." The blonde takes it out and grabs hold of it with both hands.
"Well. Go ahead!" says the man. She brings her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, she says "Hello... Mom??"
'Beauty and der Beast' and similar kinds of texts, where English is enriched by German words and morphemes (the elements of words), are obviously funny to native English speakers.
Here is what Germans (provided they know a little English) find funny - do you? The basic rule when writing such a text is to translate morpheme by morpheme, keeping the wordorder. A reader's letter about Munich
THE FREEBODY-CULTURE
Very honored Mr. Chief-Editor,
I have the outeachothersetting in the Southgerman Paper about the English-teaching in Germany followed and I want now my mustard to it give. To make it short, it hangs me to the throat out, and therefore want I say something about your wonderful city. Mainthingly, find I Munich traffic-politically unreached. I sat myself in New York in the greatroom-flystuff, and eight hours later am I in your gemoodly flyport Riem. Then went it in only 15 minutes and the faststreet to the Maryplace, where I with many with-humans the Bellgame on more...
This was passed on to me by a colleague. Original source appears to be from W. Fred Rump from a German geneology list.
A cat flap is called a cat flap because they are designed for use by cats as opposed to dogs, giraffes or humans. They are relatively small openings in doors of houses that let the cat go in and out at leisure.
In Germany, Gunther Burpus remained wedged in his front door cat flap for two days because passers-by thought he was a piece of installation art.
Mr. Burpus, 41, of Bremen, was using the flap because he had mislaid his keys. Unfortunately he was spotted by a group of student pranksters who removed his trousers and pants, painted his bottom bright blue, stuck a daffodil between his buttocks and erected a sign saying: "Germany Resurgent, an Essay in Street Art. Please give generously."
Passers-by assumed Mr. Burpus' screams were part of the act and it was only when an old woman complained to the police that he was finally more...
This is the latest joke doing the rounds in Frankfurt, since East and West Germany were united. A Frenchman, a Scotsman, a West German and an East German met in a restaurant to celebrate. The Frenchman ordered a bottle of champagne and poured it out to his friends. The bottle was only half-empty when he tossed it out of the window. "Why did you do that?" asked the others. "Not to worry," replied the Frenchman "we have plenty of champagne in France and can afford to waste some."
The Scotsman ordered a bottle of premium brand Scotch and filled four glasses. Following the Frenchman's example, he tossed the bottle, still half-full, out of the window. "Why did you do that?" asked his companions. "Not to worry," replied the Scotsman, "there is plenty of Scotch available in my country. Wasting some doesn't make much difference."
It was the turn of the West German. He didn't know what to offer his friends. So he picked up more...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Germany!
Germany who!
Germany people knocking on your door?
Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U. S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many "Big Mac" hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany's leading institutes. The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald's restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies' relative purchasing power. The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, "baskets" of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile. A simple alternative, now that McDonald's has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said."A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just barely obtain more...
Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many "Big Mac" hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany's leading institutes.The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald's restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies' relative purchasing power.The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, "baskets" of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.A simple alternative, now that McDonald's has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said."A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just barely obtain four more...