Germany Jokes / Recent Jokes

1689 - Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.

1691 - Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him. 1692 - Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit. 1703 - Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact. 1704 - Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.

1705 - Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.

1716 - After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar more...

Three contractors. . . One from Pakistan, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. A senior White House official takes them to examine it.
The English contractor: takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says. "I figure the job will cost $900. . . $400 for materials, $400 for labour and $100 profit for me."
The German contractor: also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Pakistani contractor doesn`t measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: " $2, 700."
The official incredulously says, "You didn`t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," the Pakistani explains, "$1, 000 for you, $1, 000 more...

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? more...