Gertrude Jokes

THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, SOPHIA, AND HARRIET. GERTRUDE SAID, "I THINK I'LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND TAKEA BATH." SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF AS AS SHE WAS FILLING UP THE TUB, SHEHAD ONE FOOT IN THE TUB AND THE OTHER STILL OUTSIDE THE TUB. SHE SAID "WASI GOING INTO THE TUB, OR COMING OUT OF THE TUB?" SOPHIA AND HARRIET WERE DOWNSTAIRS CHATTING WITH EACH OTHER, WHEN SOPHIA SAID, "YOU KNOW, GERTRUDE'S BEEN UP THERE FOR QUITE A WHILE, I'D BETTER GO CHECK ON HER." AS SHE WAS GOING UP THE STAIRS SHE STOPPED AND TURNED AROUND AND SAID, "WASI GOING UP THE STAIRS, OR COMING DOWN THE STAIRS?" HARRIET WAS LEFT SITTING AT THE TABLE BY HERSELF. AFTER SHE HEARD SOPHIA'S REMARK SHE SAID,"THANK GOODNESS I'M NOT THAT BAD KNOCK ON WOOD." "WAS THAT THE FRONT DOOR OR THE BACK DOOR?"

A Story to tell your children……..
Once upon a time, in the Valley of Silicon, the two-headed Wizard of Apples went for a walk. The two heads, both of which were named Steve, looked around, and spied a beautiful PARC.
“This is truly a beautiful PARC! ” Steve exclaimed.
“Yes, it is, ” agreed Steve. “It is very graphical. And do you see how happy the mice are? ” For indeed, the joyful rodents scampered about, running in and out of windows, around icons, and leaping over the garbage cans.
“Do you think we could make a PARC as beautiful as this? ” Steve asked.
“Nay, ” said Steve. “Not a PARC, but perhaps we can let this inspire us to build a woman. And we could call her… Gertrude. ”
And so they fashioned their woman, but instead of Gertrude, they called her Lisa. And she, too, was nice to mice. But alas, the User rejected Lisa, for it was said her price was too high.
“But this will never do, ” the User cried. “Do you more...