Ghost Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.
Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: "How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?"
Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
Q: What's soft, moldy and flies?
A: A spoiled bat.
Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
A: "You're under a vest!"
Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
A: He had to give it back.
Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.
Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A: A dead ringer.
Q: What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
A: I'd like more...

Oscar got to the broken down inn and asked for a room.
"I have only one room left," said the innkeeper, "But before I give it to you, I must tell you that room is where the white-eyed ghost lives."
Oscar wasn't worried. "I'll take the room," he said, "I'm not afraid of ghosts."
That night, when Oscar went to bed, a scary voice said, "Boooo! I am the white-eyed ghost...."
"Shut up!" Oscar said, "i'm tired!"
"Boooooo" the ghost said again, "I am the white-eyed ghost!"
Oscar sat up, reached over, picked up a chair and threw it at the ghost, who disappeared. Oscar lay down again and shut his eyes.
"Boooooo!" moaned the voice from the darkness, "I am the black-eyed ghost...."

Q: What goes "Oob, oob!"
A: A witch in reverse.
Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.
Q: Why do demons hang out with ghouls?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Q: Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
A: It was his bat.
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your boos and shocks on.
Mother vampire to son:
Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.
Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?
A: See you next month!

Q: Did you hear about the new ice cream for monsters?
A: It's called "Cookies and Scream."
Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?
A: A ghoul Yule!
Q: Where do werewolves stay when they're on vacation?
A: At the Howliday Inn!
Q: Where does the Wolfman live?
A: In a werehouse!
Q: How do zombies celebrate Halloween?
A: They paint the town dead!
Q: What oinks amd drinks blood?
A: A hampire!
Q: Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
A: That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
Q: What's orange on the inside and clear on the outside?
A: A pumpkin in a plastic bag!
Q: What does a vampire take for a cold?
A: Coffin syrup!
Q: Where do ghost ships like to cruise?
A: In the Scare-ibbean Sea!
Q: What European capital has the most ghosts?
A: Boodapest!
Q: What did the ghost serve at his Halloween party?
A: Hallowieners!
Q: What is a more...

A werewolf joke
Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
The whatwolves and whenwolves!

A skeleton joke
What do you do if you see a skeleton running across a road?
Jump out of your skin and join him!

A vampire joke
If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do?
Join his fang club!

A skeleton joke
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones!

A vampire joke
What’s Dracula’s favourite soup?
Scream of tomato!

A ghost joke
Where do ghost trains stop?
At devil crossings!

A cannibal joke
How does a witch-doctor ask a girl to dance?
”Voodoo like to dance with me!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a prehistoric creature with a witch?
A: A dino-sorceress!
Q: What did the little ghost eat for lunch?
A: A booloney sandwich!
Q: What do little monsters like to drink?
A: Ghoul-Aid!
Q: What do you call eyeglasses for a ghost?
A: Spooktacles!
Q: Where would you find the graves of famous English ghouls?
A: Westmonster Abbey!
Q: How did the bootician style the ghost's hair?
A: With a scare dryer!
Q: What did the dog say to the skeleton?
A: "I'd like to get to gnaw you."
Q: Why didn't the little monster go trick-or-treating?
A: He didn't have a costume.
Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the perfect guy."
Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream come true!"
Witch 1: "How do you manage to stay in shape?"
Witch 2: "I get a lot of hexercise."
Q: Is it good to drink witch's brew?
A: Yes, it's very more...

A cannibal joke
What do pygmy cannibals eat for breakfast?
Weedie Bix!

A ghost joke
Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?
Because their daddies were mummies!

A cannibal joke
What happened when the cannibal crossed the Atlantic on the QE2?
He told the waiter to take the menu away and bring him the passenger list!

A ghost joke
Where do ghosts live?
In dread-sitters!

A ghost joke
How do you know if your being haunted by a parrot?
He keeps going “ooo’s a pretty boy then”!

A vampire joke
What did the vampire say to the wolfman?
You look like your going to the dogs!

A vampire joke
What’s the difference between a vampire and a biscuit?
You don’t know?
Well don’t try dunking a vampire in your tea!