Gin Jokes

An English taxidermist, is sweating his way through the Australian outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer swilling locals and, in his well educated voice, asks the bartender, "May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man."
One of the locals says to his mates, "Geez, cobbers, what kind of a fucking man's drink is that?"
Then, turning to the Englishman, "Hey! You! Yes you, you fucking Pom! Gin and fucking tonic are you some fucking kind of a poofter or something?"
"Ac... actually," the englishman, terrified, replies, "I'm a taxidermist."
"Oh yeah? And what's a taxidermist, then?"
"I mount d.. d.. dead animals."
"It's alright, cobbers," says the local, turning to his mates, "he's one of us!"

These are reputedly real answers to questions on science tests.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if it's a lady, rub her arm above the hand. Or put her head between the knees of the nearest medical more...

1. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

3. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.

5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

6. Liter: A nest of young puppies.

7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

9. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

10. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

11. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.

12. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

13. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the more...

A barman looks out the window of his bar and sees a guy riding a horse dressed in a hunting outfit with a rifle over one arm and a hound running along beside him.

He dismounts and comes walking into the bar where upon he takes the rifle off his shoulder and starts wandering around with his dog sniffing ever table, chair and small corner of the bar. After a while he approaches the barman who asks him what he's doing.

And the guy replies - "I'm hunting you idiot... can't you see that
! " "OK, OK..." says the barman, "Would you like a drink while you hunt? ".

Immediately the hunter says, " Do you have any cheap Gin! !?".

Rather taken a back by the abruptness of his request the barman replies, "No I'm sorry I'm all out of the cheap stuff is there anything else you'd like? ".

"No" says the hunter and he starts to leave.

As he reaches the door the barman calls more...

There Were 3 People In An Aeroplane Which Had Crashed And They Were On A Deserted Island. One Man Was A Russian, The Other Was An American And The Third Was A Sardar(Sikh). They Found A Lamp And They Rubbed It. Out Came A Gin(Jinni). The Gini Said That I Give Each Of You A Wish That I Shall Fulfill After Which I Shall Not Help You. So They Said:
American: Send Me Back Home Safely.
So, The Gin Flicked His Finger And He (American) Vanished.
Russian: Send Me Back Home Safely.
So, The Gin Flicked His Finger And He (Russian) Vanished.
Sardar: I Am Getting Bored Get Me My Friends Back. So The Gin Flicked His Finger And They Both Came Back.
Now What Was Left To Do.
They Were Stuck On The Island Forever.