Girls Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why can't girls play hockey?

Because they have to change their pads every period!

Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations.

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls more...

This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist "Listen, I have 3 girls coming over tonight. I never had 3 girls at once, I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."
So the pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small black cardboard box marked with an "X" and says "Here, if you eat this you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"
The guy says "gimmee 3 boxes".
Same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's dick is black blue, the skin's hanging off in places. The man says "gimmee a bottle of Ben Gay."
To which the pharmacist replies "Ben Gay? You're not going to put BEN GAY on that are you?"
The guy says, "No it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up".

What girls say and their real meanings (in parentheses)
1) Can't we just be friends?
(There is no way in hell i am going to let any part of your body touch any part of my body again.)
2) I just need some space.
(..... without you in it.)
3) Can you help me with my homework?
(If I keep whinning, the fool will do it for me.)
4) Do I look fat in this dress?
(We haven't had a fight for a while.)
5) No, pizza's fine.
(Cheap bastard.)
6) I just do not need a boyfriend now.
(I just do not want you as a boyfriend.)
7) I don't know; what do you want to do?
(I can't believe that you have nothing planned.)
8) Come here.
(My puppy does this too.)
9) I like you but.........
(I don't like you.)
10) You never listen.
(You never listen.)
11) We're moving too quickly.
(I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend.)
12) I'll be ready in a more...

25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study!
24. In high school, no food is permitted in the hall. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder. In college, you were it on both.
22. In college, professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or late slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to reside with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds emailed in high school. The cool kids hadn't heard of it.
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, providing the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your more...

Tips on Love (by kids, 5-10 years of age): WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?? "Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR,' cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?? "It's better for girls to be more...

Funny Quotes About Women
Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable. - Ed Abbey
In everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men. - Ed Abbey
Girls, like flowers, bloom but once. But once is enough. - Edward Abbey
Women who love only women may have a good point. - Edward Abbey
Women: We cannot love them all. But we must try. - Edward Abbey
The feminists have a legitimate grievance. But so does everyone else. - Edward Abbey
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. - Woody Allen
Woman: A creature whom a man can't get along with or without. Animal usually living in the vicinity of man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. - Ambrose Bierce
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas
Women! You can't live with them, you can't do most positions without them. - Dan Fielding (from the "Night more...