"Funny Quotes About Women" joke

Funny Quotes About Women
Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable. - Ed Abbey
In everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men. - Ed Abbey
Girls, like flowers, bloom but once. But once is enough. - Edward Abbey
Women who love only women may have a good point. - Edward Abbey
Women: We cannot love them all. But we must try. - Edward Abbey
The feminists have a legitimate grievance. But so does everyone else. - Edward Abbey
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. - Woody Allen
Woman: A creature whom a man can't get along with or without. Animal usually living in the vicinity of man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. - Ambrose Bierce
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas
Women! You can't live with them, you can't do most positions without them. - Dan Fielding (from the "Night Court" television series)
The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" - Freud
Women are one of the Almighty's enigmas to prove to men that He knows more than they do. - Ellen Glasglow
Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little. - Dr. Johnson
Being a woman is of special interest to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is simply a good excuse not to play football. - Fran Lebowitz
It's so hard for women, even nice women, to realize that their bodies are not irresistible. - Philip Marlowe "The Big Sleep" (1939) a novel by Raymond Chandler
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women. - Groucho Marx
Men always want to please women, but these last 15 years, women have been hard to please. If you want to resist the feminist movement, the simple way to do it is to give them what they want and they'll defeat themselves. Today, you've got endless women in their 20s and 30s who don't know if they want to be a mother, have lunch, or be secretary of state. - actor Jack Nicholson
There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L Convertible. - P. J. O'Rourke
Did you know that woman speaks eighteen languages?. .. And can't say' no' in any of them. - Dorothy Parker
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash. - Emo Phillips
A woman is like a dresser; some man always goin' through her drawers. - Blind Lemon Pledge
Feminism: A socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. - Pat Robertson
If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women. - Mort Sahl
Women's magazines always seem to me to be instructing aliens on how to act like women. It's as though the people reading know nothing: what to wear at a picnic, what to eat when you get to the picnic. It's for pods who want to impersonate humans. On the other hand, there's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." - comic Jerry Seinfeld, in Esquire
I think that maybe if women and children were in charge, we would get somewhere - James Thurber
Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full. - Earl Wilson
A lady is a woman who never shows her underwear unintentionally.
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad; an optimist hopes they are.
A man uses guns, knives, and explosives to get what he wants, but a woman has some very special weapons of her own.
Being a woman is quite difficult since it consists mainly of dealing with men.
By the time you know a woman like a book, you're too old to start a library.
Feminists are okay, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Never argue with a woman when she's tired... or when she's rested.
One of the ironies of life is that it's usually the warm girls, not the cold ones, who get the fur coats.
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
Women do not snore, fart, or belch; therefore, they must bitch or else they will blow up.
Women who think they are the equal of men, lack ambition.