Gladly Jokes / Recent Jokes

We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free
liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko
bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No
Rights.
You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing
anything.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just more...

Phone Call to God -
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The
Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's
private chambers.
"What is that phone for?" he asks the pontiff.
"It's my direct line to the Lord!"
The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists
that the Rabbi try it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord.
The Rabbi holds a lengthy discussion with Him. After hanging up the
Rabbi says. "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to
pay for my phone charges."
The Pope, of course refuses, but the Rabbi is steadfast and finally,
the pontiff gives in. He checks the counter on the phone and says:
"All right! The charges were 100, 000 Lira. ($56)
The Chief Rabbi gladly hands over a packet of bills. A few more...

The Chief Rabbi and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices a fancy shmancy phone on a side table in the Popes private chambers. "Whats that phone for?" he asks. "Its my direct line to the Lord!" the Pope replies. The Rabbi is doubtful, but the Pope insists that he tries it out and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord and chats away with Him for a while. After he hangs up the Rabbi says. "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for the charges I have used up." The Pope doesnt want to take the money, but finally gives in, checks the counter and says: Allright! The charge was 50, 000 Lira.", which the Rabbi gladly pays. A couple of weeks later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In the Rabbis chambers he sees the identical phone he has with a direct line to the Lord. The Pope asks if he could use it, because there were some urgent matt ers he needed to consult with Him. The Rabbi gladly hands him the phone more...

"If I had the choice, I would gladly spend my 100 coins on you instead of on an extra life."

There was a retarded duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a retarded duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college.
Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A RETARDED DUCK?!?" It sure is he replied, and it's for sale too! She said that she collected retarded ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck. He agreed.
Well the other son being the "bad" kid went straight for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hitting on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesn't have any money, just this retarded duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want more...

There was a retarded duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a retarded duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college.Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A RETARDED DUCK?!?" It sure is he replyed, and its for sale too! She said that she collected retarded ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed.Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hittin on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesnt have any money, just this retarded duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So they more...

A child came home from Sunday school and told his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named "Gladly." It took his mother awhile before she realized that the hymn was really "Gladly, The Cross I'd Bear."