Glasgow Jokes / Recent Jokes
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Glasgow edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Glasgow. If you have one of the Glasgow editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Glasgow edition may be recognised by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDAES 98 with a background picture of a Whisky bottle superimposed on a Clydebank flag. It is shipped with a "Bells" screen saver.
Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labelled Bog
Dialup Networking is called Ma Mates
Control Panel is known as How Tae Fuck Aboot Wi The Settins
Hard Drive is referred to as Big Disk
Floppies are Them Wee Plastic Fuckers.
And instead of an error message, you get a windae covered with an empty Whisky bottle.
Other features:
OK = its aww-right
cancel = fuck off
reset = whit yoo aw aboot
yes = aye
no = nay fuckin' chance
find = get it yer fuckin' sel'
go to = more...
When Big Peter McFlannel dies in Glasgow, his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once, so she goes to the newspaper and says "I`d like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband" The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?" The old woman replies "?5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we`ll see if it`s ok". So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter McFlannel, fae Parkheid, deid". The clerk feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hands the paper over the counter again. The clerk then reads, "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale."
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Glasgow!
Glasgow who!
Glasgow to the movies!
A Scot meets a friend at a train station and explains he's off to Glasgow on his honeymoon.
His friend asks, "And just where is your wife."
"She's seen Glasgow." the groom replied.
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.