Glasgow Jokes / Recent Jokes

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly I canny button me pants. "
"Oh Angus... I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it"
About 5 minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs.
Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.
The little lady looks at him and says "My god, what happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?"
"Aye" says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did, everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread... Mr. MacDonald walked in...

At an auction in Glasgow a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing? 10,000 and would give a reward of? 100 to the person who found it. From the back of the hall Wee Hughie shouted, "I`ll give? 150!"

A Scot meets a friend at a train station and explains he's off to Glasgow on his honeymoon.
His friend asks, "And just where is your wife."
"She's seen Glasgow." the groom replied.

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house, exclaiming,
"Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I can't
button me pants."
"Oh, Angus...I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if
Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."
About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling
and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door
with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.
The little lady looks at him and says "My God, what in hell's name happened
to you? Did you ask her like I told you?"
"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did.
Everything was goin fine, but when she bent doon to bite off the wee
thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in."

Craig Donaldson, 17, of Glasgow, Scotland had a little too much time on his hands. One saturday morning in October of 1999 while his parents had left the house to go car shopping, Craig was overcome by the sort of sexual desire only a deprived 17 year old boy could have.

He decided that his usual "self service" material consisting of a back issue of Playboy was not enough and he had become very frustrated. Just then he remembered a story that his friend Jed had told him about a woman in a pornographic movie who had applied peanut butter to her genitals and allowed a trained dog to "clean" it off of her.

Probably thinking to himself, "mom and dad won't be home for hours!", Craig headed upstairs to the kitchen only stopping to let Max, the family's 4 year old doberman pinscher inside the house. Craig searched for some peanut butter but couldn't find any, in fact there was no fruit jam or margarine either.

However, Craig did more...