Glasses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map she sees people waving.

In the hospital, a nurse is asking an old man what is his weight. The man is unsure about his weight so the nurse suggests that it is better if he check his weight now. He goes to the weighing scale and stands on it. Then he goes back to the nurse. The nurse let him fill the form by himself. After he fills it, he gives it back to the nurse. when the nurse reads his weight, she is surprised why the man wrote " 82 kg - with glasses" there. so the nurse asks the man,"Why must you write "with glasses" there? I only ask for your weight. Why don't you write down your weight without the glasses?" "Because I can't read the scales and write without my glasses." the man replied.

A old snake goes to see his Doctor." Doc, I need something for my eyes... can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem... didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!""Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident," stammered the private."Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?""No, no nothing of those..." said the private."Well then, what is it?""I'd rather not tell you sir...""Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients now." "No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," blurted the private."Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?""You see, she crossed her legs... "

Santa Goes To An Eye Specialist And Asks Him For A Pair Of Glasses. He Chooses A Frame And Then Asks The Specialist, "Will I Be Able To Read After I Wear These Glasses?"
"Sure!" Says The Specialist.
"Good!" Replies Santa."I Have Been Illiterate All These Years!"

Online computer users often engage in cyber sex. However, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me? Wellhung: OKSweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat. more...

An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!""Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b.. broken in an accident," stammered the private."Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?""No, no nothing of those..." said the private."Well then, what is it?""I'd rather not tell you sir...""Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients now." "No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," blurted the private."Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?""You see, she crossed her legs....."