Glasses Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde went to the eye doctor one day. She complained to the doctor that she couldn't see and was having a hard time driving because of this. He then told her that she would need glasses. The blond knowing that the glasses would cost a couple of hundred dollars decided to save her money because she remembered she had some at home. She then told the doctor that she had a pair. He said, "OK, wear them all the time." The blonde left and went home. She called the doctor and told him she couldn't see so he scheduled an appointment and told her to bring her glasses so he could see them. The next day the blond came in holding up two drinking glasses to her eyes and told the doctor "I had a hard time driving over here because my hands were all tied up."
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.
When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war... could you help me?"
"Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.
Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively,
"Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability!"
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war... could you help me?""Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.When Jesus turned to the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively,"Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability!"
There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guywith a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinschersays to the guy with a Chihuahua, ‘Let’s go over tothat restaurant and get something to eat. ’ The guy with the Chihuahua says, ‘We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us. ’
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, ‘Just follow my lead. ’ They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the DobermanPinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walkin. A guy at the door says, ‘Sorry, mac, no pets allowed. ’ The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, ‘You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog. ’ The guy at the door says, ‘A Doberman Pinscher? ’ He says, ‘Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good. ’
The guy at the door says, ‘Come on in. ’ The guy with the Chihuahua figures, ‘What the hell, ’ so he putson a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, ‘Sorry, pal, no pets allowed. more...
Yo momma's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
50 ways to FREAK your roommate
1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave
"Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your
roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair
of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and
dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying,
"Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate
to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like,
THEY, were here again."
5. Every time you see your more...
While her husband was lying down, his wife removed his glasses. "You know, honey," she said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"