Golden Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bear hunter- Joe
Talking bear- Rick
Joe went into the woods to hunt down a bear. After searching for an hour or two he came across a beautiful golden brown bear. Joe snuck up on him and shot him. He tied up his feet and started carrying him back. On his way to his truck Rick came in front of him and said, "Now, Joe, you just shot there my poor little brother. Now I can either beat you like crazy for doing that, or you can have sex with me." Joe thought about this for a moment or two. He didn't like the first option so he chose to have sex with Rick.
Two weeks later Joe went back out into the woods, a little sore, and went looking for another bear to hunt down. He came across a beautiful golden brown bear. It was a bit bigger than the last one so he shot it. Joe tied up his feet and started carrying him back. On his way to his truck he ran into Rick again. Rick said, "Now, Joe, you just there shot my mother. I can either beat you like crazy for doing that or more...

On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me: A database with a broken b-tree
(what the hell is a b-tree anyway?)
On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Two transceiver failures
(CRC errors? Collisions? What is going on?) And a database with a broken b-tree
(Rebuild WHAT? It's a 10GB database!)
On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Three French users
(who, of course, think they know everything) Two transceiver failures
(which are now spewing packets all over the net) And a database with a broken b-tree
(Backup? What backup?)
On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Four calls for support
(playing the same Christmas song over and over) Three French users
(Why do they like to argue so much over trival things?) Two transceiver failures
(How the hell do I know which ones they are?) And a database with a broken b-tree
(Pointer error? What a pointer error?)
On the more...

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn't quite remember the address to the house. ''I'm sure this is the one," said the driver. ''Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD.'' Replied one of the others, ''I'll go knock on the door, and check. If it's the wrong house, at least I'll get to a toilet!''
So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once....No answer. He rings it again... Still no answer. So, he thinks, ''This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard.'' So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he'd just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can't find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened a door to a small room, more...

A man comes home late one night, drunk.
"Where have you been?"
asks his wife.
"In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!" This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.
"Do you have golden chairs?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden glasses?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden beer?"
"Yes."
"Do you have a golden urinal?"
"Hold on."
On the other end, she hears "I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone."

Golden Toilet
There was this guy, let's call him bob. One night Bob went to about 5 bars, and he drank, like, 17 beers.
After he was done with that, like any normally functioning person, he really had to go. So he asked the bartender where the bathroom was, and he went to where he thought it was.
Later that night, Bob was laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and he was thought, "wait a minute.. there was a golden toilet!!" Right then he got up and went out to find the special toilet. He had hit 5 bars that night, so he went to the first one, asked where the bathroom was, when he went and looked, there was no golden toilet.
This continued until he got to the last bar, he was really tired by then, and rather then going to look for the toilet himself, he asked the bartender, "do you by any chance have a golden toilet here?" and the bartender said to another person that was there, "hey! I think I found the guy who crapped in the tuba!!!"

There was this guy who had been to about every bar in town. So one night, he hopped into a taxi cab and told the driver to take him to the best bar in town. The cabby took him to a bar, where he got half-drunk. He hopped into the same cab and said that the bar wasn’t good enough - take him to another one. The cabby took him to another bar, where the guy had the time of his life.
The next morning, this guy was in yet another bar telling his buddy what a good time he had the night before, but he couldn’t remember where he was. All he could remember was a red door and a golden toilet seat.
“Man, we gotta find this place, ” said his buddy.
So the two spent half the day searching for a bar with a red door until they found one. They walked in, and the guy asked the bartender, “Was I here last night and too drunk to tell? All I remember is a red door and a golden toilet seat. ”
The bartender hollered to the back, “HEY, FRED. HERE’S THAT SON OF A BITCH WHO more...

Five men were selecter for a survey. They were taken away to a hotel called the goldings. There they found the place covered top to bottom in golden fittnigs and furnishings, the doors were gold, the floor was gold, the roof was gold, the stairs were gold .Every thing in the lobby was gold.
They were shown to there rooms by a maid, she had golden hair, golden dress, golden tights, golden shoes, golden piney and a golden hat. She shown each man in to his room.
The rooms were decorated in yet more gold. Golden beds, golden pillows, golden windows, golden toothbrushes, golden chocolates, golden soap, golden bathrobes, golden pictures .
They woke up that morning to have a bath in a golden bath with golden taps, golden mirrors, golden tiles and a golden toilet.
They were led to the golden diningroom via the golden staircase. The dining room was exquist. Golden walls, golden chairs, golden table goldrn knives and falks, golden spoons and a golden table cloth.
Theh golden more...