Golden Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rock Star John Mellencamp's son won the lightweight division title at the Indiana Golden Gloves boxing tournament. He later celebrated by sucking down chili dogs outside the Tasty Freez.

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquility had long been known about the town, and on this very special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit.
He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well"...explained the husband..."it all goes all the way back to our honeymoon, you see, we visited the Grand Canyon and we took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule."
He continues..."well now, we hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled, she quietly said...that's once."
"We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again and my wife quietly spoke...that's twice."
"You know, that mule hadn't gone a half-mile when it stumbled a third time."
My wife promptly removed a gun from her purse, hopped off the beast, and shot the mule dead."
"I protested over her treatment of the mule, she slowly turned to me more...

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney. ..
Oh Lordy!
A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I`m Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom."
So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, "I am Michael O`Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary`s for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list and says, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and more...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and more...

There was this guy, let's call him bob. One night Bob went to about 5 bars, and he drank, like, 17 beers.

After he was done with that, like any normally functioning person, he really had to go. So he asked the bartender where the bathroom was, and he went to where he thought it was.

Later that night, Bob was laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and he was thought, "wait a minute.. there was a golden toilet!!" Right then he got up and went out to find the special toilet. He had hit 5 bars that night, so he went to the first one, asked where the bathroom was, when he went and looked, there was no golden toilet.

This continued until he got to the last bar, he was really tired by then, and rather then going to look for the toilet himself, he asked the bartender, "do you by any chance have a golden toilet here?" and the bartender said to another person that was there, "hey! I think I found the guy who crapped in the tuba!!!"

During my walk every morning I meet a group of septuagenarians narrating jokes and experiences of their younger days.
One morning I heard one of them announce that it was his golden wedding anniversary that day. The consensus was that, the occasion demanded a celebration. The suggestion was mooted that the group should contribute towards the celebration and allow the honoured couple the pleasure of re-enacting their wedding.
One of them volunteered to set up a pandaal and illuminations. Another offered to serve dinner; the third agreed to put up the vedi for pheras and bring a priest. The fourth, after some thought said, "All this is fine, but who will do what is supposed to be done after the pheras?'

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven? "
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York. "
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden more...