Golf Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher died and went to heaven. St. Peter welcomed her in and said he would show her to her place in heaven.

The first neighborhood was lovely. People were out on the park-like lawns, socializing, Bar-B-Q-ing, playing golf on a beautifully landscaped golf course, and having a fine time.

"Oh, this is wonderful", says the school teacher to St. Peter, "Is this where I'll be staying?"

"No, this is the doctors' area", replied St. Peter.

They continue the journey and come to another beautiful neighborhood. Again everyone is outside socializing. People are on tennis courts, swimming in pools.

"My, this IS paradise", gushed the teacher, "is this my neighborhood?"

"No, no, the teacher's area is next."

They move on among the clouds until they reach and equally beautiful neighborhood, but no one is outside. No one is visible anywhere and the houses appear to more...

"You're going out to play golf again?" his wife complained.

"I'm only doing under doctors orders."

"Do I look stupid to you?!" "But its true," he said, while walking out the door.

"He told me specifically that I should get some iron everyday."

A couple of elderly gents were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning. His friend said that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before. "Is that so?" the first said. "Did he do a good job?" "Well, I was playing yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot," he said. "The ball most have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the groin.... and that was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."

A gushy reporter told Jack Nicklaus, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Nicklaus replied, "The holes are numbered".

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play -- normally one club and two balls.

Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.

Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.

Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course.

The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed more...

Once upon a time there was a boy who proposed to a girl:"Will you marry me?"The girl said "NO"So the boy lived happily ever after, went fishing, hunting, played golf and drank all the beer he wanted...THE END

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one.
Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
The man says, "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."
Well, a year goes by and the same golfer is out more...