Golf Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight hile saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!
(silence)
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

John Daly shot a bogey-free 62 in the final round of the Hong Kong Open. At least that's what they told him when he woke up at Hooters.

Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"
"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "How did you know?"
"Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language!"

This guy's wife was always wanting to go golfing with him and he
said he didn't think she would enjoy it. She kept pressuring
him and finally he gave in.
So they're on the golf course and on the first hole the guy hits
one 300 yards down the middle of the fairway, hits his second
shot three feet from the pin, and putts for a birdie. This
lucky streak continues and he birdies 5 straight holes.
Then they get to the 6th hole. He takes his driver and hooks
one way out into the left rough behind a barn. They search and
search and find the ball, and he says to his wife, "I'll just
take a penalty and drop the ball out in the fairway."
His wife says, "Wait a minute!" She walks over to the barn and
opens the door on one end and then goes to the other end and
opens that door too. She says, "Look, honey, you can see the
hole from here! The way you've been playing, just hit through
the barn and you'll do more...

A guy gets a call from the coroner, who wants to talk about his wife's recent death. "We were on the third hole" the widower relates. "My wife was standing on the ladies tee about 30 yards ahead of the men's when I hit my drive. From the sound when the ball hit her head and the way she dropped like a rock I knew immediately that she was dead. God only knows where the ball wound up." The coroner replies "That explains the injury to her head, but what about the Maxfli embedded in her rectum?" "Oh" says the man "that was my provisional."

Pat and Mike are playing golf one day and Pat hits a hook off the tee into a deep ravine running alongside the fairway. He goes down into the ravine to look for his ball while Mike takes the cart over to the other side of the fairway.
After a while, Mike realizes that he hasn't seen Pat in quite some time so he goes back over to the ravine. Looking down, he sees his partner sitting on the ground shaking uncontrollably. Next to him is a skeleton clutching a seven iron with a golf ball next to his feet.
Mike descends into the ravine and helps Pat stand up. After he composes himself, Pat says "What do you think we should do?"
"Well," says Mike, "I sure don't think you want to use your seven iron."

A father spoke to his son, "It's time we had a little talk, my son. Soon, you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You'll be pre-occupied and won't be able to think of anything else." He added, "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal... it's called golf."