Golf Jokes / Recent Jokes

I don't understand why Tiger Woods has to be in hiding.Perhaps he is the world's first serial escapist.

The club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two' gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a' gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members.
"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, that jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls, then yelled' Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second' gotcha'?"

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the
ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look
for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this
trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank
you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition
to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband
will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish,
she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish
will also make your husband the most handsome man
in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes
only for me."
So she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the more...

God and Moses were out golfing. They were both doing well. Then they came up to the 5th hole.
It was a dogleg to the left, with a lake to the right. Moses got up and hit a long shot with a little hook. Right in the middle of the fairway. Then God got up and pulled out his driver.
Then Moses said,"God, everytime you use you driver you always slice it."
So God said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." So he approched the ball. Got ready, then hit a long one. It drifted to the right, SPLISH! Right in the middle of the lake.
So Moses said, "See God, I told you that would happen. I'll get it this time but you'll have to get it next time." So Moses went out to the lake, held up his club, and parted the lake. Then he went down, picked up the ball, and came back. After that, everything was going fine.
Until the 18th hole, straight away, with a long lake on the right. Moses hit a nice straight shot down the fairway. Then God took out his more...

Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon. They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men's game.
"Don't they know they're supposed to let us play through?" asked the first man. The other man shook his head. "I'm going to go ask them if we can play through," said the first man, emphatically, "Enough is enough."
He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.
"Oh God," he said to his friend, "This is awful. You're going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress."
The other man shrugged, and said "No sweat." He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said, more...

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his "pain". "Please allow me to help, I am a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" She told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, nnnoo, I'll be alright... I'll be fine in a few minutes." He replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. The woman takes it upon herself to begin to "ease his pain". She began to massage his groin (*okay, you use whatever term works for you*). more...

John Daly has been denied an exemption in the Bob Hope Classic, and called it "a slap in the face." And if there's anyone who knows what it's like to get slapped in the face, it's probably John Daly.