Golfer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, “I’d give anything to sink this next putt. ”
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, “Would you give up a fourth of your sex life? ”
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, “Okay, ” and sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, “Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole. ”
The same stranger moves to his side and says, “Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life? ”
The golfer shrugs and says, “Sure. ”
He makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win.
Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, “Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match? ”
The golfer says, “Certainly! ” He makes the eagle.
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A keen golfer goes to his priest and asks him if there are any golf courses in heaven. The priest says he'll find out for him. The next day the priest contacts the golfer and says "I've done some checking up and there's some good news and some bad news" "Whats the good news?" the golfer asks, "Well, there are many beautiful golf courses in heaven" the priest replies, "and the bad news??"

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at more...

A golfer, well known for his bad temper, entered the pro shop and plunked down a wad of money for a new set of woods.
The staff was all anxious to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - convinced he would come in and demand his money back.
Much to their surprise, the next time he came in, he was all smiles.
"They're the best clubs I've ever owned," he declared. "As a matter of fact, I discovered that I can throw them at least 30 yards father than my last ones."

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

Bad Golfer: "Whack!" "Damn!"
Bad Skydiver: "Damn!!" "Whack!!"

Three golfers were waiting for the fourth to show up. Always late, this bloke was much later than he usually was. Giving up, they ask a gent on the pratice green if he would like to join them. He did - and what a great golfer he was! Later, back at the clubhouse, the fellows asked if he would join them as part of their regular foursome. He agrees, and they say meet us here again tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. The new guys says "7, 7:15." Next day the fellow shows up at 7 sharp, but to the amazement of the other golfers, this time he is golfing left handed! - where, the day before, he golfed right handed. Yet, he was a scratch golfer left-handed as well. Back at the club house, the fellows were curious about his unbelievable ability to golf so well from either side. "So how do you decide which way you're going to golf?" ask one. The new golfer replied: "Well, when I wake, if my wife is sleeping on her right side, I golf right-handed. If she's on her left, I golf more...

One mid-afternoon on a sunny day, a golfer teed up his ball. After a few practice swings, he steps up to his ball and gets ready to drive the first hole.
Just before he swings, a woman in a wedding gown comes running up from the parking lot. She's got tears streaming down her face.
Just as she reaches the raised tee, she screams out, "I can't believe it! How could you do that?" The golfer calmly takes a swing and drives the ball straight down the fairway.