Golfer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards right down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and the ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight at him. It hit him in the temple and killed him. He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked at the big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, is that correct?" "Yes, I am," he replied. St. Peter then said, "Do you hit the ball a long way?" The golfer replied, "You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn't I?"

One day, John Smith decided to go to a new golf course where no one knew him, just to get away and see if he could do better elsewhere.

He hired a caddy to guide him around the course. After another day of slices, duff shots, misread putts and bad temper, he was obviously upset. He turned to the caddy and said, "You know I must be the worst golfer in the world."

The caddy replied, "I think not sir, I have heard there is a guy named John Smith from across town who is the worst player ever!"

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth." Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now." Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually." Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence." Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass." Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf." Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, more...

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"

"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

A handsome young golfer was playing in his first professional tournament. At the end of the first day's activity, the novice was ahead, and a beautiful woman sidled up to him in the clubhouse.
"Say," she cooed, "do you swing as well off the green?"
Rising to the challenge, he took the girl back to his hotel room, and they made love, after which he rolled over and went to sleep.
"Hey," she shook him awake, "Tom Watsqn wouldn't give up so quickly!"
Mustering his energies, he made love to her a second time, after which he slipped off, quite exhausted.
The woman shook him again. "Hey, Arnold Palmer wouldn't give up so quickly!"
The golfer was getting some life back in his jaw, and, taking a deep breath, he made love to her yet again. When he was through, he fell asleep on top of her, too tired to move. She tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey, Jack Nicklaus wouldn't fade away like that!"
Angry more...

Two dim-witted golfers are teeing off on a foggy par 3. They can see the flag, but not the green. The first golfer hits his ball into the fog and the second golfer does the same. They proceed to the green to find their balls.

One ball is about 6 feet from the cup while the other found its way into the cup for a hole-in-one. Both were playing the same type of balls, Top-Flite 2, so they couldn't determine which ball was which. They decide to ask the course pro to decide their fate.

After congratulating both golfers on their fine shots, the golf pro asks, "Which one of you is playing the orange ball?"

A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer. The doctor replied, "You must have an awfully wide stance!"