Golfer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.

"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell' fore'."

"I'll take it," the attorney said.

Manager: “I’m sorry. Sir, we have no time opened on the course today. ”
Golfer: “Wait a minute, what if Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus showed up? I’m sure you’d find a starting time for them. ”
Manager: “Of course we would, sir. ”
Golfer: “Well, I happen to know they’re not coming, so we’ll take their time. ”

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"

"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"

"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"

"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"

"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the more...

One early morning, a group of very competitive golfers were desperately searching for one of their golf balls out in the deep rough.
After several minutes of laboring, the golfer who sliced his ball out into the trash declared that he had finally found his elusive ball, inciting another golfer in his group to scream, "He is a damn liar! I have his ball in my pocket."

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off
the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play
through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the
plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and
badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find
his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went
over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was
a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.
A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost
golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked,
"Does this look like yours?"
That was the last thing he could remember.

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I''d give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be more...

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt." A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle. As more...