Golfer Jokes / Recent Jokes

When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven." Sorry, old man," Peter said, "But I can't let you in. You seethe big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin backin 1978 -- You took the Lord's name in vain during a golf game." "Oh, yes. I'll never forget that one, and I'm terribly sorryPeter, but I can explain...", the old golfer blithered. "Well," said Peter, "You'll have to take it up with The Big Guy." So Peter led the old golfer down a long golden hallway, to God'soffice. "We've got another code 6 here, sir! Says he can explain..." "So," booms God, "You've been taking my name in vain." "Only once, your Almighty, Sir. But I can explain!" "OK. Try me, " replied the Lord. "Well you see sir, I was playing my best game of golf ever, andI made it to the 18th hole, and I'd win the tournament if I couldjust make par on this hole. I made my shot from the tee, more...

there was once a golfer and his caddy. The golfer and the caddy went to a night club. That
night the caddy went home with a japanese girl.
So they went into his apartment and made love for hours on end. while they were doing it the
girl started shouting out "YAKAMOUDO!"
The next day the caddy and the golfer went out golfing and there were lots of japanese tourists
there. Then the golfer got a hole in one and the
tourists yelled out "YAKAMOUDO!" The caddy said to the golfer that must mean very good. Then the golfer said actually it means wrong hole.

Golfer: "Id move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course."Caddy: "Try heaven. Youve already moved most of the earth."

A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yardsright down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler andthe ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight athim. It hit him in the temple and killed him. He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked atthe big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, isthat correct?" "Yes, I am," he replied. St Peter then said, "Do you hit the ball a long way?" The golfer replied,"You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn't I?"

A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says "thank you for not disturbing my buttercups. For that I shall make sure that you always have a full supply of butter"." Thank you," the golfer replied, "but where were you last week when I hitthe ball into the pussywillows?"

Golfers who claim they never cheat also lie.
A two-foot putt counts the same as a two-foot drive.
Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.
There is no such thing as a friendly wager.
The stages of golf are: Sudden Collapse, Radical Change, Complete Frustration, Slow Improvement, Brief Mastery, and Sudden Collapse.
The only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie putt two inches short of the hole.
Don't play with anyone who would question a 7.
It's as easy to lower your handicap as it is to reduce your hat size.
If you really want to be better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
If your driver is hot, your putter will be ice cold; if you can hit your irons, you will top your woods; if you are keeping your right elbow tucked in, your head will come up.
Progress in golf consists of two steps forward and 26.6 miles backward.
One good shank deserves another.
It takes 17 holes to really get warmed more...

>> The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin
>> Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.
>>
>> "Your Holiness" said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to
>> challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical
>> spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
>>
>> The Pope thought is was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club
>> in his hand. "Have we not," he asked "a cardinal who can represent me
>> against the leader of Israel?"
>>
>> "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But," he added,
>> "there is a man named Jack Nicklas, an American golfer who is a devout
>> Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal; then ask him to play
>> Benjamin Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to
>> showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match.
>> Everyone more...