Gone Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by StPeter at the pearly
gates. St Pete says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm
granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want". The first
nun says "I want to be Bo Derek" and POOF she's gone. The second says "I want to
be Madonna" and POOF she's gone. The third says "I want to be Sarah Pepalini".
St Peter looks perplexed."Who?" he says."Sarah Pepalini" replies the nun. St
Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. He
reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No
Sister, this says SaharaPipelinelaid by 500 men in 7
days!"
Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."
"Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"
"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.
"I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.
"Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"
Four men got stranded on an caribbean island there was an English man, American, Irish man and a Japanese man. They all sat round the camp fire and discussed there roles the English man said ” I will be in charge of making everything” they all agreed the American said ” I will be in charge of our defense and weapons” they all agreed, the Irish man said ” I will be in charge of all the cooking” they all agreed. So the men went off leaving the Japanese man sitting there he said to the English man “What can i do” the English man replied “you can be in charge of the supplies” he was very happy with this.
Later that afternoon the Japanese man stood up and run off into the jungle the others thought he had seen something and had gone to investigate but he was gone for hours they left him to it and sat around the camp fire talking and waiting for the Japanese man to come back hours went by and still he had not come back so they all decided to go to sleep and when they more...
Girlfriend in Tokyo writes:
'Dear Harry, you are gone six months and I am six
months gone. Shall I carry Harry or commit
hara-kiri?'
This Japanese tale proves the adage:' The road to
hell is paved with faulty contraception.'
A Ph.D. student, a post-doc, and their professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.""Me first! Me first!" says the Ph.D. student."I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman."Poof! He's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."Poof! He's gone."You're next," the Genie says to the professor.The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa S**thead, whoa A**hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your more...