Goody Jokes

The Scene: The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker working in New York. The Boy is doing his residency in Boston and was given her number by his mother, who is a friend of the Girl's aunt's brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife in Chicago.

Monday night, 10 pm

Girl: Hello?

Boy: (Shit, she's home!) Umm, hi! Is this ---?

Girl: Speaking.

Boy: My name is ---. I don't know if you know who I am- (God, what if she doesn't know who I am? I'll sound like a complete idiot.) Hell, I already sound like a complete idiot. I don't even know why I'm doing this!)

Girl: Oh, you live in Boston, right?

Boy: Yeah. (Ok, she was told about me, that's a fucking relief. I wonder what she was told - "He's a resident, tall, and fair, and he graduated from Ivy League school!" God, she probably hates me already!)

Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number. (I can't believe he actually more...

Three jewish israeli brothers come to america. They each get jobs.
The first one is a singer. He learns to say, "Me, me me me me!"
The second one is a waiter. He learns to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives."
The third one owns a candy shop. He learns to say, "Goody goody gum drops!"
One day a man is murdered. The three brothers are at the crime scene, and they're being questioned.
One cop says, "All right, now who did this?"
The first brother tries to point out the man, but the only word he can say is, "Me, me me me me!"
The second cop says, "What did you kill him with?"
The second brother, trying to prove his brother's innocence, says, "Forks and knives, forks and knives."
Finally, the third cop says, "All three of you are going to have to come downtown with us."
And the third brother, trying to protest, says, "Goody goody gum drops!"

The Scene: The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker working in New York. The Boy is doing his residency in Boston and was given her number by his mother, who is a friend of the Girl's aunt's brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife in Chicago. Monday night, 10 pm Girl: Hello? Boy: (Shit, she's home!) Umm, hi! Is this ---? Girl: Speaking. Boy: My name is ---. I don't know if you know who I am- (God, what if she doesn't know who I am? I'll sound like a complete idiot.) Hell, I already sound like a complete idiot. I don't even know why I'm doing this!) Girl: Oh, you live in Boston, right? Boy: Yeah. (Ok, she was told about me, that's a fucking relief. I wonder what she was told - "He's a resident, tall, and fair, and he graduated from Ivy League school!" God, she probably hates me already!) Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number. (I can't believe he actually called!) Boy: So, how are you? Oh yeah, that's real original, but what the hell else I am supposed to say- more...

British media on Saturday welcomed the eviction of a reality TV show contestant accused of racism and bullying, but criticized the television channel over a show that has whipped up an international storm.















"Celebrity Big Brother" has dominated headlines in Britain and India this week after former dental nurse Jade Goody and other contestants ganged up on Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty, calling her "the Indian" and "Poppadom" and saying "She should f... off home."
Mass-circulation newspapers aimed their headlines at Goody, with the Sun declaring "Goody Riddance," the Mirror saying "A Bigot and a Fake," and the Daily Sport leading with "Exclusive Upskirt Footage of Jade Leaving The House."

once there were three aliens who crashed their plane on earth. These aliens did not know any language. SO they decided to learn. The first one said "
I am the smartest, I will go to opera singing."
The second one said"
I love food. I will go to a bakery"
The last alien said "
I am dumb, But like candy. So I will go to a candy store"
The first alien learned one word and that was "
ME, me, me, meeeeee"
The second one learned three words. "
Knives and forks"
The last alien learned "
Goody, Goody, gumdrops"
So they fixed the space ship and on their way home said their last words. ALl of a sudden a Police officer came up to them and said "
There is a crime. Who did it?"
The first alien said "
Me, me, me, Meeeee"
Then the Police officer said"
with what?"
The second alien said "
Knives and more...