Gore Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton,"Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the currentsituation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche." Sent by Gail
Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:
HONK! If you had sex with the President
Clinton: We forgive you... Now Resign!
Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
Adultery IS NOT a family value
Does character matter YET?
One More Whore And We Get Gore
Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
Jail to the Chief
Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.
Save the President: Legalize Perjury
Two terms for Clinton: the second in jail
Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father
Clinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation
Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation
Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland
Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation`s (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow
Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation
Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies
Gore: (G)ennifer`s (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise
Gore: (G)reatly (O)riented to (R)adical (E)cology
Gore: (G)reat (O)ne (R)egulating (E)verything
It was two weeks past elections, when all through Palm Beach. Only lawyers were stirring, the blood sucking leech. The ballots were held to the light with great care, in hopes that a dot or a dimpled be there.
The voters were nestled all snug in their beds, while nightmares of pregnant chads danced in their heads. And Bush back in Austin, and Gore in DC, had just rattled the courts over votes absentee.
When out on the beach there arose such a clatter, the counters stopped counting to see whats the matter. Away to the shore lawyers flew like a flash, the out of state protesters started to clash.
When what to our wondering eyes was bestowed, but Air Force One and eight interns in tow. What came off the plane gave us all quite a chill, we knew in a moment twas our buddy Bill.
More buxom than hookers, his courses they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name. Now Bambi, Now Suzie! Now Candy and Tasha! On Cassie! On Dana! On more...
Doctor Seuss's take on the 2004 election:
Can we count them with our nose? Can we count them with our toes? Should we count them with a band? Should we count them all by hand?
If I do not like the count, I will simply throw them out. I will not let this vote count stand. I do not like them, AL GORE I am!
Can we change these numbers here? Can we change them, calm my fears? What do you mean, Dubya has won? This is not fair, this is not fun.
Let's count them upside down this time. Let's count until the state is mine. I will not let this vote count stand. I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit. You have not heard the last of it. I'll count the ballots one by one. And hold each one up to the sun.
I'll count, recount, and count some more. You'll grow to hate this little chore. But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand. I do not like it, Al Gore I am!
I won't leave office, I'm stayin' here. I've glued my desk chair to my rear. more...
In 2000, the two major party presidential candidates agreed that Americans were seeing too much inappropriate material in popular entertainment. However, they disagreed on the details. The Republican candidate, George W. Bush, stated that there is too much bloody violence in the movies and on television. Vice President Al Gore, his Democratic opponent, stated that the media present Americans with too much sex and frontal nudity. In other words, Bush said there was too much gore, and Gore said there was too much bush.
Tipper Gore discovered that her husband`s great great uncle, Gunther Gore, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Tennessee in 1889. The only existing photograph shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription: "Gunther Gore; horse thief. Sent to Tennessee Prison 1883, escaped 1887. Robbed the Tennessee Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889." After letting President Clinton`s large staff of professional image consultants review this discovery, they took the following actions to assist Al`s campaign to become our next president. They decided to crop Gunther`s picture, scan it in as an enlarged image, and edited it with image processing software so that all that is seen in the final picture is a head shot. Along with this enhanced photo, the accompanying biographical sketch was sent to the Associated Press: "Gunther Gore was a famous cattleman in early Tennessee history. His business more...