Gore Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order was given Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall." He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"
One day Bill Clinton and Al Gore are pissing in the same bathroom. Bill notices that Al has a huge dick. "Shit", he says; "how did you ever make your dick that big?"
"Well", Al tells him, "Every night before I go to bed, I beat it on the bedpost fifty times. This also works wonders before sex..."
So, that night, Clinton sneaks in late, and starts beating the bedpost with his dick. Hillary rolls over and says "Is that you, Al?"
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my righ
Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them with a band?
Should we count them all by hand?
If I do not like the count,
I will simply throw them out.
I will not let this vote count stand.
I do not like them, AL GORE I am!
Can we change these numbers here?
Can we change them, calm my fears?
What do you mean, Dubya has won?
This is not fair, this is not fun.
Let's count them upside down this time.
Let's count until the state is mine.
I will not let this vote count stand.
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit.
You have not heard the last of it.
I'll count the ballots one by one.
And hold each one up to the sun.
I'll count, recount, and count some more.
You'll grow to hate this little chore.
But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand.
I do not like it, Al Gore I more...
Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents? A: Hes the stiff one.
Top Ten Things Overheard Last Night at the Florida Election Commission
10. "The first vote goes to Gore... call CNN and tell them Gore won."
9. "Wait, if my wet laundry is in the ballot box... oh my god! Stop the dryer!"
8. "If someone voted for' the jerk,' do I give it to Gore or Bush?"
7. "Let's be extra careful, because every single vote counts... ha, ha, ha, ha, just kidding!"
6. "120... 121... 122! Yes! I'm the ballot-eating champion!"
5. "This is much easier than my last job designing tires for Firestone"
4. "America must never know Ralph Nader actually won the election"
3. "Discard all these votes for Bush -- they're obviously left over from 1992"
2. "I'm sure gonna miss you guys when this is over. If only there was a way to make it last a few more days..."
1. "Heads Bush... Tails Gore"
US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school. After fifteen minutes speaking he says:' I will now answer anyquestions you have.' Bobby stands up and says:' I have four questions': 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Just then the bell goes and the kids rushed out to play. Upon returning, Mr Ashcroft said: "I am sorry we were interrupted. I will answer any questions you have.' A little girl called Julie stands upand says:' I have six questions': 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? 5. Why did the bell ring twenty minutes early? 6. Where is Bobby?