Gossip Jokes / Recent Jokes
If only women gossip, how do guys and their buddies keep track of "Who's easy?"
50 Things Women Would Do To Drive Men Crazy... 1. Do not say what you mean. Ever. 2. Be ambiguous. Always. 3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault. 4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought months or years ago. 5. Make them apologize for everything. 6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them. 7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks. 8. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them Smile. 9. Look them in the eye and start laughing. 10. Cry. 11. Get mad at them for everything. 12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm. 13. Hold grudges. 14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply. 15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value. 16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess." 17. Be late for everything. Yell if more...
Man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING,
Woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS.
Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT
Woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION
Woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD
Woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE
Woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.
Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY
Woman discovered MONEY and that's when it all got screwed up
Another version:
The man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING,
the woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS.
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
the woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
the woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered more...
A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell.""I don't know!" she flounders."Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity.""Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already."She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven.The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her more...
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Average: Not too bright.
Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Conscientious and careful: Scared.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.
Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.
Enjoys job: Needs more...
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the neck.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.Happy: Paid too much.Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work.Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes.Keeps more...