Government Jokes / Recent Jokes

A deal was struck between an industrialist and a government minister for the sanction of a licence for Rs. ten lakhs to be paid in cash. A note sanctioning the issue of licence was prepared and put up to the minister for his signature.

The industrialist, not being sure of the minister's intentions, brought Rs. five lakhs and handed them over to the minister's secretary - the remaining five to be paid on issue of the licence.

The file came back with the minister's remark:' Not accepted.'

The industrialist promptly paid the remaining five lakhs and the file was taken back to the minister who simply added the letter' E' to the' not':' Note accepted.'

A little girl went to her father and asked, "Dad, what is politics?"
"Well, dear," he said, "let me try to explain it this way - I'm the breadwinner of the family, so we'll call me Capitalism. Mom is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. We'll call the Nanny the Working Class, and your baby brother, the Future. Think about all that and see if it makes any sense."
She then went off to bed, thinking about all her father had said. Later that night, she heard her baby brother crying and when she went to check on him, she found he had soiled his diaper. She then went to her parents' room, but found her mother fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, she went to the Nanny's room and found the door locked. When she peeked in the keyhole, she saw her father was in bed with the nanny. She gave up and went back to bed.
The next morning, she said to her father, more...

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone more...

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a Ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded that it was so.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night making love."
Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"

If Microsoft Ran The IRS "Government should be run like a business." We've all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise). - The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the following May. - Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements. - In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country's intellectual property. - When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices. - When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then to 1040, you more...

Q. Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?
A. Everyone would be afraid to lick it.

Why am I always tired?
For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting there surfing the Internet!