Governor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought "grammar" was his father's mother. On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun. "The phone connection's bad," said the secretary. "I couldn't catch that last word. Spell it." The governor replied, "' G' like in Jesus;' U' like in onion;' N' like in pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!"

"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job" -George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign
"This is a great day for France!" -Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral
"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'" -George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students
"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks." -George Bush
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." -Dan Quayle
"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here." more...

Governor Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota had some sharp words regarding fellow Republican Mark Sanford's extramarital affair...even going so far as to compliment Jenny Sanford for not standing by her husband during his press conference confession.
Gov. Pawlenty: "It's a sad and troubling situation with Jenny and Mark Sanford. I know them. I'm proud of Jenny for her strength and her commitment to her family...Frankly, I was glad to see her not standing at the press conference like many have, and kind of charting her own path."
Translated: "So listen Jenny...if y'ever find yourself in need of a little of that T-L-C once the kids are all tucked in for the night, why don't you g'wan ahead and give Big Timmy a call. I could have a'copter waiting for you right now, baby. Just say the word, and you can swing by the Governor's Mansion for a mouthful of Good an' Paw-lenty anytime you want it. Awww, yeah."

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, more...

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98"One word sums up more...

I am sad to say this is the next leader of the Free World
These are the quotes of George W. Bush JR.:
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure".
...George W. Bush, JR.
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush, JR.
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush, JR.
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush, JR.
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important.
We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, JR., 8/11/94
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history.
But we all lived in more...

Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought "grammar" was his fathers mother. On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun."The phone connections bad," said the secretary. "I couldnt catch that last word. Spell it." The governor replied, " G like in Jesus; U like in onion; N like in pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!"