Gowns Jokes / Recent Jokes

BARBIE'S LETTER TO SANTA: Dear Santa: Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to ya,' Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes around here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't wanna be around to smell it. These are my demands for Christmas 1999:
1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him, bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boytoy, Ken. And what was up more...

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but in 1999 Barbie will turn 40, just in time to greet the new century. And they've been40 full, rich years. She began as a glamorous airline stewardess when she was introducedat Toy Fair in 1959. She soared into space as an astronaut in 1974, ran for president in1992, and, in 1997, she bore disability bravely, folding her first-ever bending legs intoa wheelchair to become a role model once again for a newly identified market.
    In every incarnation, nationality, and skin tone, she's perfectly turned out, with accessories galore at her longslender fingertips. She's Everywoman, she's the Cosmo Girl, she has it all. So, what willMattel think of next as the company meets the challenge of Barbie turning 40?
    Why fight age? Why notcapitalize on it in every way possible? Here are some ideas Mattel might consider for apast 40 Barbie:
Bifocals Barbie:
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors more...

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make more...

Yes, it's hard to believe, but in 1999 Barbie will turn 40, just in time to greet the new century. And they've been40 full, rich years. She began as a glamorous airline stewardess when she was introducedat Toy Fair in 1959.She soared into space as an astronaut in 1974, ran for president in1992, and, in 1997, she bore disability bravely, folding her first-ever bending legs intoa wheelchair to become a role model once again for a newly identified market. In every incarnation, nationality, and skin tone, she's perfectly turned out, with accessories galore at her longslender fingertips. She's Everywoman, she's the Cosmo Girl, she has it all. So, what willMattel think of next as the company meets the challenge of Barbie turning 40? Why fight age? Why notcapitalize on it in every way possible? Here are some ideas Mattel might consider for apast 40 Barbie:Bifocals Barbie: Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print more...

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?