Grade Jokes / Recent Jokes

The first grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess.

Teacher asks Sarah, "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write' sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie.

Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
Teacher says, "Good. If you write' box' correctly on blackboard, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." Morris does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."
Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write' blatant racial discrimination,' I'll give you a cookie."

____________________UniversityTo: Professor____________________ From: __________________I think my grade in your course, ___________________, should bechanged from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:______1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.______2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.______3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:______ Law School______Medical School ______Graduate School______Dental School ______My Fraternity/Sorority______The Mickey Mouse Club ______Tri County Tech______4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in_______________.______5. I'll lose my scholarship.______6. I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam.______7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.______8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.______9. I learned all more...

A first grade teacher, Miss Daisy, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asks, "Johnny! What is your problem?"
Little Johnny says, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!"
Miss Daisy had enough. She took Little Johnny to the principal's office. While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his own questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
The teacher agreed. Little Johnny is brought in the room. The principal tells Little Johnny and he agrees.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Little Johnny: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Little Johnny: "36"
Principal: "What is 9 x 9?" Little Johnny: more...

Redneck Driver's License Application...
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.
Last name: ________________
First name: [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________ Lover's Name: __________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet
Number of children living in household: ___ Number of children living in shed: ___ Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother's more...

Billy: i know a person who is 35 and still in 4th grade!
Eddie: Really! who?
Billy: My teacher!

Redneck Driver's License Application...Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.Last name: ________________First name: [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann SueAge: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty PoliticianSpouse's Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________ Lover's Name: __________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: __________________________Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] PetNumber of children living in household: ___ Number of children living in shed: ___ Number of children that are yours: ___Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's more...

The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have time to grade it until after you complete your Ph.D. DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the class period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following day on today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to reading the school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing them that they are going to flunk your class. LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to use the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing this. 2. When the time comes to lecture on a subject you know more...