Grandaughter Jokes

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's
hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything
besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves
and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods.
It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other
buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the
chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a
beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes
and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks
and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would
be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house
for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one
condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter"
The more...

Grandaughter informed grandma that she has just found her first boyfriend and they have a date on the next Saterday.Grandma said "on this first date your boyfriend is going to kiss you and you are going to like it, thereafter he is going to fondle your breast and you are going to like it, the emotions will rise very fast and he may end up on top of you doing exactly what you must never do because you will disgrace our family.Listen my child never ever agree that this boy must disgrace our family.Grandaughter agreed and made a concrete promise that things will never be alowed to go that far.Back from the date Grandaughter explained to grandma that everything went exactly as she predicted but when the time came that the boy must be on top, she just flipped him over and she got on top to disgrace his family. Grandma fainted.

One day there was a grandmother, her 2 grandaughters, and her grandson and they were baking a cake. And as they were baking the cake their grandmother accidently put bullets in the cake, but she said that it will be ok. And so they finished the cake and the grandchildren ate it and a couple hours later her first grandaughter came downstairs and told her grandmother that she had peed out a bullet. Then a couple minuets later her second grandaughter came down and said grandma grandma I peed out a bullet. Then her grandson came down a couple minuets later and said grandma grandma guess what. and his grandma said let me guess you peed out a bullet too. Then, the grandon said no, I was jacking off and i shot the dog.

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I more...

Psychic Visit Joke
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. After paying her a scandalous amount of money, the psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Grandaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat responds. "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes grandaughter, it's me," is the response. "It's really, really you grandmother?" the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me grandaughter." The woman looks puzzled. "You're SURE it's you grandmother?" "Yes, grandaughter - I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment. "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child," comes the response. The woman pauses another moment before asking, "Grandmother -- when did you more...