Grandson Jokes / Recent Jokes

> At his wedding reception, the young groom's grandad congratulated his
> grandson and said: "The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage, is
> to
> listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and to try
> and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as
> your grandma's and mine has".
>
> thanking him for his advice, the grandson said: "What's sex like then when
> you get older, grandad?"
>
> His grandad looked at the grandson, smiled and said: "Just like trying to
> play pool with a piece of rope!"

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, so he calls his grandson to his bed.
"Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns,... how about leaving me your Rolex watch instead."
"You liste to me. Some day you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambini. Am I right?"
"Yes grandpa, I guess so."
"Ok, so soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say, TIMES UP!"

This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life.When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men, and she asked him why they were there.Her grandson replied, "On television, they say,' The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

A Jewish grandmother took her young grandson on holiday by the seaside. He was busily paddling away while she was just sunbathing. Suddenly a huge freak wave landed and carried the boy away.
The grandmother panicked and started praying saying things like "Please let me have my grandson back, he is all I have and he is only nine" etc.
As luck would have it another freak wave came on and swept the boy ashore into the arms of the grandmother. She was extemely grateful but she looked upto the heavens and cried "He was wearing a hat".

One day I recieved a letter from grandma... The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and more...

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness? ” He got the following reply.
“Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.
My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy’s brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy’s wife.
So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother’s mother. Don’t forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife’s grandson.
But hold more...

One day a grandfather and his grandson were fishing at thier farm pond when the grandfather pulls out some chewing tabacco and starts to chew it. The grandson says "hey grandpa can I have some of that?" The grandpa says," does your dick touch your ass?" He replies. "no." Grandpa says," then you cant have any. Next the grandfather pulls out some whiskey.The grandson says "hey grandpa can I have some of that?" The grandpa says," does your dick touch your ass?" He replies. "no." Grandpa says," then you cant have any.Next he pulls out a cigar. The grandson says "hey grandpa can I have some of that?" The grandpa says," does your dick touch your ass?" He replies. "no." Grandpa says," then you cant have any." Then the grandson pulls out some cookies and the grandpa asks," hey grandson gimme some of those." THe grandson replies," does your dick touch ur ass?" The more...