Grandson Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.
She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV-'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

[Offensive to large bodies of water]
The old Jewish man was walking on the beach with his only grandson,
when a giant wave crashes onshore, sweeping the boy out to sea.
The man looks up to the heavens and says, "Oh Lord, this is my only
grandson, how can you take him away from me like this? My son will
not understand. My daughter-in-law will die from grief."
Another wave comes by, and deposits the boy at the old man's feet.
The grandfather looks to the heavens again and says, "He had a hat!"

Dear Gladys,
As I was browsing through a local Christian bookstore, I spotted a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day since I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I purchased the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I failed to notice that the light had changed. It's a good thing that someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I never would have noticed. I found that there are a LOT of people who love Jesus.
While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Suddenly, everyone started honking! I just leaned more...

BRAIN TUMOR
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
****
MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
****
WHILE IN A DRUG STORE
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
****
QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks!
****
Friend: how many more...

Sarah's grandson is playing in the water, while she is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is in the ocean. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He simply vanished.
Sarah holds her hands to the sky and cries, "God, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not given to B'nai Brith and Haddasah? Have I not tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?"
Just then, another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing had happened.
A loud voice booms from the sky, "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"
Sarah responded, "Well... He WAS wearing a hat."

A man and his grandson are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The man takes out a cigarette and lights it.
His grandson says, "Grandpa, Can I try some of your cigarette?" Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" he says.
"No," says the little boy. "Then you're not big enough."
A few more minutes pass, and the man takes a beer our of his cooler and opens it. The little boy says,
"Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?"
"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?", he says. "No," says the little boy. "Then you're not old enough."
Time passes and they continue to fish. The little boy gets hungry and he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies and eats one. The grandfather looks at him and says, "Hey they look good. Can I have one of your cookies?"
"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" says the little boy. more...

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply." Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter. My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson. But hold on just a few minutes more...