Grandson Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day I recieved a letter from grandma...

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just more...

Stay with this - the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute. I was born before:
* television
* penicillin
* polio shots
* frozen foods
* Xerox
* contact lenses
* Frisbees and
* the pill
There were no:
* credit cards
* laser beams or
* ball-point pens
Man had not invented:
* pantyhose
* air conditioners
* dishwashers
* clothes dryers
* and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn't yet walked on the moon.
Your grandfather and I got married first,... and then lived together.
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".And after I turned 25, I still more...

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, so he calls his grandson to his bed.
"Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna you for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns,... how about leaving me your Rolex watch instead."
"You lissin to me. Somma day you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambina. Am I right?"
"Yes grandpa, I guess so."
"Ok, so soma day you gonna come home and maybe finda you wife in bed with anotha man. Whada you gonna do? Pointa to da watch and say,... TIMES UP!?"

A grandpa and his five year-old son went out fishing. After a while the grandpa pulled out a beer and the grandson asked "Hey Grandpa, can I have a beer?"
The grandpa replied by saying "Can your dick touch your asshole?"
So the grandson said,"No."
Then the grandpa said, "Then you can't have one."
Later on, the grandpa pulls out a cigarette and lights it up and the grandson asked "Hey grandpa, can I have a cigarette?"
The grandpa again replied by saying, "Can your dick touch your asshole?"
So the grandson again replied by saying no.
Then the grandpa said, "Well, then you can't have one."
Now the kid is getting really pissed off. So he takes out a cookie and the grandpa says, "Gee grandson, can I have one?"
The grandson replied by saying, "Can your dick touch your asshole?"
So the grandpa said, "Yes."
Then the grandson said, "Good, then go more...

Dear Friend,
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving more...

BEPPO SINGH NEEDS VITAMINS FOR GRANDSON.
Beppo Singh: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Beppo Singh: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

On a plane, a man and his wife are offered tea and both accept. The man tries to be sweet to his wife, saying "Pass the sugar, sugar... Pass the honey, honey." Then he says, "Pass the tea, you old bag."
On a plane, there were three... "On a plane, there were three passengers and the pilot. The passengers were George Bush, an old man, and his grandson. The grandson hung his backpack with the others on the rack. The plane ran out of fuel and there were only three parachutes. The pilot took a parachute and jumped out. Then George Bush jumped out with one. There was only one parachute left. The old man told his grandson to go on without him, but the kid said he had to. The old man said,"You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you." The boy replied,"But there are still two parachutes left. George Bush took my backpack."