Green Jokes / Recent Jokes
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.
The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the leg. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and more...
Washington Native Americans
New York Very Tall People
Dallas Western-Style Laborers
L. A. Uninvited Guests
Minnesota Plundering Norsemen
Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.
San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts
New Orleans Pretty Good People
Phoenix Male Finches
Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes
Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden
Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals
Tampa Bay West Indies Freebooters
Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats
Chicago Securities-Traders-in-a-Declining-Market
Indianapolis Young Male Horses
New England Zealous Lovers of Country
Atlanta Hovering Birds of Prey
Philadelphia Largely Non-Hovering Birds of Prey
Seattle Oceanic Birds of Prey
Tampa Bay Ocean-Going Unlawful Salvage Personnel
Houston Liquid Fossil Fuel Devotees
(or taking a different interpretation of oilers) Wheel Rotation Perpetuators
LA Male Horned Largely-Mountain Faring more...
1. What is the biggest selling Christmas single of all time?
2. What was Scrooge’s first name?
3. What carol contains the line “O tidings of comfort and joy”?
4. Name the three reindeer whose names begin with a “D”?
5. In what city did Miracle on 34th Street take place?
6. In The Night Before Christmas, where were the stockings hung?
7. What color is the Grinch?
8. In the movie The Santa Clause, who starred as the substitute Santa
Claus?
9. What holiday drink contains sugar, milk, and eggs?
10. What popular bite-sized chocolate candy comes wrapped in red
and green foil at Christmas?
11. What one reindeer is never mentioned in “The Night Before
Christmas”?
12. Name the two reindeer whose name begins with a “C”?
13. What carol contains the word “Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la”?
14. What glittery bits of metal are hung on a Christmas tree?
15. What were Frosty’s last words?
16. more...
Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide. Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green. Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide. From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper. "And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires. "I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.
1. "You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy. You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..."
2. "Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
3. "What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knot?"
4. "Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that sucker."
5. "If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't
just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."
6. "Give me that!"
7. "You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."
8 "I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"
9. "You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"
10 "Have more...