Green Jokes / Recent Jokes
Mrs. McKenzie was showing Corbett, the contractor, through the second floor of her new house to show him what colors to paint the rooms. "Id like the bathroom done in white!" Corbett walked over to the window and shouted, "Green up! Green up!" "I want the bedroom in blue!" continued the woman. The contractor listened and yelled out the window, "Green up! Green up!" "The halls should be done in beige!" she instructed. Again, the man barked out the window, "Green up! Green up!" "Will you stop that?!" shouted the woman. "Every time I give you a color, all you do is shout Green up! What the devil does that mean?" Tm real sorry, maam!" explained Corbett. "But I got three Oklahoma basketball players down there tryin to put in the front lawn!"
Preserving the Egg of LifeObviously, Football is a syndrome of religious rites symbolizing thestruggle to preserve the Egg of Life through the rigors of impendingwinter. The rites begin at the Autumn Equinox and culminate on thefirst day of the New Year, with great festivals identified with bowlsof plenty. The festivals are associated with flowers such as roses; fruits such as oranges; farm crops such as cotton; and even sun-worshipand appeasement of great reptiles such as alligators. In these rites, the Egg of Life is symbolized by what is called"The Oval", an inflated bladder covered with hog skin. The conventionof "The Oval" is repeated in the architectural oval-shaped design ofthe vast outdoor churches in which the services are held every sabbathin every town and city. Also every Sunday in the greater centers ofpopulation where an advanced priesthood performs. These enormouschurches dominate every college campus; no other edifice compares insize with them, and more...
There's a Marine, an Airforce Commando, a Navy Seal and a Green Beret sitting around a campfire telling each-other how mean and tough they are.
The Marine says - "I can swim 50 miles and bite the head off a live chicken. One Marine is worth 5 other men."
The Airforce Commando says - "I can clear runways one-handed and kill a man with my bare hands. One Airforce Commando is worth 10 other men."
The Navy Seal says - "Yeah? Well I can dive up to 90 feet without air, and I'm an expert in demolitions. One Navy Seal is worth 13 other men."
The Green Beret just sat there all this time saying nothing, stirring the fire with his dick.
A Man went for a job interview for a sales job. When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind was shouting "Not this man! ! " Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng. So he told the man, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, maybe I will give you a chance! " "The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black". The man thought for a while and said "I heard the phone go Green, Green, and then I went to Pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Wrong number. Don't Purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok? "
A woman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."
The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe.
She does so, and the doctor goes around to see her when she is ready. "Well, what is it?" he asks.
"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles have
appeared on the inside of my thighs."
The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is.
Then he suddenly asks, "Have you been having an affair with a gypsy lately?"
The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually I have."
"That's the problem," the doctor says, "Tell him his earrings aren't made of gold!!!"