Grizzly Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this bulletin...
"Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.
We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears. Finally their request was granted, and they immediately flew to NY and onward west to Yellowstone.
They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the
grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance and finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged with no sign of the missing men.
They followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the
female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had
eaten the scientist because more...
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.
Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to NY and then on West to Yellowstone. They reported to the localranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and
it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.
They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.
For several days they called in, but then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men.
They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and more...
A Confuciousism: Out in the mountains there was this stream, beautiful stream in it was a Trout. As the trout was swimming he saw a little fly, swimming he thought to himself; If only that little fly would fly a half inch lower. I could jump out and get the fly, it'll be something to eat. In the distance there was this bear, a great Grizzly, the grizzly, thinking to himself; the same thing, if only that fly would be a half inch lower, the trout would eat the fly and I could eat the fish, It'll be something to eat. Sitting on a stone there was a hunter, a mighty hunter, who was peering out through his scope at that great grizzly barrel pointing at his head. He then starts thinking if only that stinking fly would fly a half inch lower, the trout would eat the fly the bear would eat the fish and I could shoot the bear, it'll be something to eat. Underneath that stone was a field mouse, a scrawny little field mouse, smelling the hunters sandwich he gets excited, he too thinking the same more...