Groom Jokes / Recent Jokes
These are true stories from someone who works on a cruise ship.
1. (For this one, you have to know that it's really easy to get lost in the maze of corridors and elevators on a ship.) A lady asked if this elevator went to the front of the ship.
2. Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one asked how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.
3. A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"
4. There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, more...
Show up totally smashed. Be as obnoxious and unruly as possible. When the priest says his little "If anyone know any reason..." ditty, say, "Look at him! Look at her! These people should not reproduce!" or rattle off every mean, nasty thing the ex ever did to you, including that time when he went to see "Jesus Christ Superstar" with his mother on the night of your anniversary. Send hookers. Laugh incessantly during the ceremony, for no apparent reason. Trip the bride on the way up. Wrestling, anyone? Two words: bomb threat. Have a nice heart-to-heart with the mother of the bride (or groom). What you say is up to you, and the more horrid the better. Pretend you've been seeing the groom secretly. Claim you've had his love child and he looks just like him. Say you've had an affair with the bride if you're female, and the groom if you're male. Make a big production about how this is all killing you. Laugh at anyone who takes you seriously. Silly string! or, more...
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to' love, honor and obey' and' forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied. The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" Th e groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned more...
When the couple returned from their honeymoon it was apparent to everyone that they weren't speaking to each other. The best man took the groom aside and asked him what as wrong.
The groom answered, "When I got up to go to the bathroom after making love on our first night, I wasn't thinking and put $50 under the pillow."
"I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure your wife will get over it soon," said the best man.
The groom slowly nodded his head and said, "Perhaps, but what I can't get over is the fact that she gave me $25 change."
An elderly woman rushed up the stairs to the church, late for the wedding. An usher asked to see her invitation.
"I don't have one," she said. "Well then, are you a friend of the groom?" "I should say not," snapped the woman, "I'm the bride's mother!"
An elderly woman rushed up the stairs to the church, late for the wedding. An usher asked to see her invitation."I don't have one," she said. "Well then, are you a friend of the groom?" "I should say not," snapped the woman, "I'm the bride's mother!"
On their wedding night, the young bride told her groom,' Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex. Last...if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex.' The groom replied,' OK, honey cup. Just make sure that when I come home, I usually have a drink...If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks, I may or may not be wanting sex. But if I drink more than two...your hair won't matter!'