Ground Jokes / Recent Jokes

One night, Ajit was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Ajit and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Ajit put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.
The thief then went through Ajit's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Ajit was 2 rupees.
The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Ajit why he had bothered to fight so hard for 2 rupees.
"Was that all you wanted?" Ajit replied, "I thought you were after the thousand rupee notes I've got in my shoe!"

A pilot was flying a 747 full of passengers as a voice cracked
over the radio.
It said, "This is Ground Control. Please divert your course 5
degrees east. Over."
The pilot was slightly confused and responded, "10-4, but why
should I divert my course?"
The voice answered, "Your plane and another 747 are about to
pass over a major city and we don't want any excess noise."
The pilot laughed and said, "I'm 31, 000 feet up. What kind of
noise could I cause?"
Ground Control answered, "Have you ever heard the sound that
colliding 747's make?"

Editor's Note: I'll warn you, it's in fairly bad taste.

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"Space Odd-Do-Ti" sung to David Bowie's "Space Oddity"

Ground control to Father John
Ground control to Father John
Put your purple shrouds and clean white Nikes on
Ground control to Father John
Commencing reboot, PC's on
Check our Web page and may Ti's love be with you

(lift-off)

This is Ground Control to Father John
We've all had alcohol
Mixed with applesauce and phenol-barbitol
Now it's time to just lie down and end it all

This is Father John to Ground Control
I'll castrate all the men
And rejoin our UFO and alien friend
And we can't wait' til Hale-Bopp returns again

For Rio's speaking for the camera
Far beyond insane
Planet Earth is due for a Y2K review

(break, instrumental)

Though I'm past 100 million more...

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad
efforts.Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and ask his wife .
Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you.
"Yes", she said, "I remember it well."
"Ok", he says "How about taking a stroll around there again and do it for old time sake ."
"Ooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea", she answers.
There was a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this and having a chuckle to himself. he thinks,"I've got to see this, two old-timers having sex against a fence, I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. He follows them...
They walked haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks, Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make thier way to the fence. The old lady more...

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell,' 'I need some tampons!!''
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible' 'Sex and Candy''
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,' 'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to' '10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say,' 'Hi! I more...

Republic Insurance Company

Carson, California

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.

In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "POOR PLANNING" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should elaborate more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was attached to the side of the building, at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of more...