Group Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Twas the night beforeChristmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a worldthat's politically correct?
His workers no longer wouldanswer to "Elves".
"VerticallyChallenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at thenorth pole
Were alleged by the unionto stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds bythe Humane Society.
And equal employment hadmade it quite clear
That Santa had better notuse just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Cometand Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had beenremoved from his sleigh;
The ruts were termeddangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started tocall for the cops
When they heard sled noiseson their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from hispipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suitwas called "Unenlightened."
And to show more...

Members of a Marijuana advocacy group have written a strongly worded letter to Kellogg after the company cut ties with Michael Phelps. Kellogg was able to quiet the group by replying, "Dave's not here, man."

Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes.Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of the line, and then see which team set the most poles.The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by his team. He answered48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had done...Next to report was the more...

Well it seems that there was some mixup in one of the local papers, and it said that Elvis would be ariving in Denver.
When the Pope landed, and got off the plane, threre was a large group of people chanting: "Elvis... Elvis... Elvis."
"No, no. I'm not Elvis", stated the Pope, "I am the Pope." When he gave a short speech, thre was still a large group of people chanting: "Elvis... Elvis... Elvis."
"No," he told the crowd, "I'm not Elvis."
The Pope was tired so he went back to his hotel room. When he got to his room, there were a bunch of scantly clad women. They started screaming "Oh, look it's Elvis!"
To which the Pope replied "Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you very much."

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him. Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they? George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge! (silence) Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink.
A few minutes later, he says to no one in particular, "All lawyers are assholes."
The fellow next to him lit into him. "How dare you just stereotypically categorize all lawyers as assholes? How have you missed that it's just not okay to cast aspersions on an entire group of people? You just try saying something like that about any other group of people and you'd get slugged. And you should! If you weren't such a jerk, I'd pour my drink all over you, but you're not worth the cost of my drink."
The fellow was properly abashed, and apologized. "Look, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," he says, "By the way, what kind of lawyer are you?"
"Lawyer? I'm no lawyer, you idiot. I'm an asshole!"

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?