Grow Jokes / Recent Jokes

I asked God to take away my pain.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
Her spirit was whole,
her body was only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings.
Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life
so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me love others, as much as he loves me.
And God said... Ah, finally you more...

"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal; but boys and girls are not born the same.
1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your
home to the church, even if you're driving there.
3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.
4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they more...

(Row Row Row Your Boat)
Roll, roll, roll your joint
twist it at the end,
take a puff,
that's enough and pass it to a friend.
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner playing with himself,
he stuck his thumb up his ass
and found his uncles underpants
and said "What a good boy am I"
Mary Mary quite contrary
shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
With wizz and e's and ganja trees and coke as white as snow
Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E
Mary was a kiky slut and gave them H.I.V
Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand.
He said, "Excuse me ladies,
just doing my duty
so why not pull down your pants
and give me some booty."
Hickory Dickory more...

Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children
in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Sheila said, "When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!"
Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barked, "What did you say?!"
"A prostitute!" Sheila exclaimed.
Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and said
"Whew! Thank God! I thought you said' A Protestant'!"

These great questions and answers are from the "Hollywood Squares" game show. Responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems like it sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does more...