Grow Jokes / Recent Jokes
Clinton's mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.
For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something from Microsoft shipped on time: Jennifer Katharine Gates, weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces when she was downloaded, er, born on Friday, April 26 at 6:11pm. And what do Baby Gates and Daddy's products have in common? 1. Neither can stand on its own two feet without a LOT of third party support. 2. Both barf all over themselves regularly. 3. Regardless of the problem, calling Microsoft Tech Support won't help. 4. As they mature, we pray that they will be better than that which preceded them. 5. At first release they're relatively compact, but they seem to grow and grow and grow with each passing year. 6. Although announced with great fanfare, pretty much anyone could have produced one. 7. They arrive in shaky condition with inadequate documentation. 8. No matter what, it takes several months between the announcement and the actual release. 9. Bill gets the credit but someone else did most of the work. 10. For at least the next year, more...
A poor, old woman sat there on her rocking chair on her porch, reflecting back on her long life. She then spots something on the garden path.She hobbles over to it bends down and groans in pain from a sore back.She picks up the bottle and hobbles back to her rocking chair.She gives the bottle a rub and:
POOF!
A Genie apears and says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle of which I have been trapped for thousands of years! I grant you three wishes.
The Old Woman thought.There was so many things she could wish for! She says"For my first wish, I wish to be a young and beautiful woman again with my life ahead of me!"
The Genie puts a mirror infront of the Old Woman and claps his hands.Suddenly, she watches her body begin to change in the mirror.Her skin tightens and her wrinkles dissapear.Her old figure becomes a new curvy one.Her hair turns from grey to black and lenghthens so it is long.She suddenly feels as if her chest is about to burst out of the more...
A Scottish farmer was in his field digging up his tatties (a Scots word for potatoes). An American farmer looked over the fence and said "In Texas we grow potatoes 5 times larger than that!"
The Scotsman replied " Ah but we just grow them for our own mouths!"
Three young boys were sitting on the sidewalk one day looking at (3) cars across the street. One of them said;when I grow up I want to be a doctor so I can make lots of money and buy myself a car just like that red corvette. Second boy replied; when I grow up I want to be a lawyer and make more money, so I can buy myself a car just like that black mercedes.Third boy said; you are both crazy.When I grow up I want to have HAIR ALL OVER MY BODY! The other(2) boys looked puzzled and asked why? Third boy replied; well my sister only has a little patch right between her legs, and she owns all (3) of those cars.
i was working with a man that had no hair so we went to a store to get something to eat at lunchtime and there was this guy looking at us and walked up to us and said to my boss sayman i use to suffer from loss of hair my boss said no fooling what did you do to grow all that hair the other guy replide man you want belive this but im going to tell you annyway how i didit when you go to take a shit smeare shit on your head and by tomarrow youll have a head full of hair so after work my boss took a shit and smear it on his head he told me he went to a bar cause he couldnt stand the smeale so he started to talk to a drunk in the bar and the drunk told my boss say man you smell like shit my boss said im sorry ser but i was told that if i put shit on my head that i would grow hair by the next day the drunk replid yea i know im drunk like amothafuca but im not stuped cause if it was that way everybody would have a ponny tail comming out there ASS